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Permalink Reply by Dorie on September 1, 2015 at 12:39am

Keri, you'd be surprised how much I understand. I too have spent my life hearing people say how much I am like my mother. Even at the dinner after the memorial, people I had never met would say not only how much I look like her, but that I laugh like her and even, "she would have said the same thing."

I called my mother's cousin to let her know and as we talked, she too said how much I sound like my Mom. Once at a family gathering, as I was sitting and talking to "my elders", one commented that I push up my glasses just like my Mom. At the funeral for my mother's mother, a woman walked up to me and said, "Donna, I haven't seen you since your wedding." I told her I was Donna's oldest daughter and pointed out Mom to her.

I am also named after Mom, Dad was stationed over seas when I was born, so she was the one to put the name on my birth certificate. My first name is her first name and middle name combined. Most of my life I've gone by my nickname trying to avoid confusion.

There was only 21 years difference in our age. Over the years, as I grow older, I keep noticing.. "my hands look like Mom's" or "my hair is thinning on m crown, just like Mom's", in so many ways I see Mom in my aging, in my thoughts, in my speech, and behaviors. Often, I find my Mom's words coming out of my mouth, usually her humor.

She's only been gone 39 days now, and all those aspects of her mirrored in me can be both a blessing and a bane. I will automatically say something, realize it was something Mom would say and I cry. I put on a piece of clothing she bought me or complemented me on, and I cry. I have a question about family, or a recipe she use to cook or to just talk about current events and then remember she isn't here to call anymore, and I cry.

I never thought it would be so hard. I've lived on my own, had my own life for over 40 years now. But I am finding that she was still very much an integral part of my every day, whether we talked on the phone or I visited her. Always knowing she was "there" provided a sense of security no matter what life threw at me.  I knew if I couldn't handle it, Mom was there to back me up.

And... I am obviously the writer Mom was too. She loved to write long letters. In fact since she retired, if she wasn't reading a book, she was writing to someone. I was surprised she never caught on to email, especially since early on she did use the Internet to send in news articles for a group she belonged to. So it wasn't that she was clueless about technology, she just like the "old fashion way" sometimes. She tried an eReader, didn't like it, preferred the weight and feel and smell of a paperback book.

Better stop now, I could go on forever. Should save something for later.