Dear Mom,

Today is Mother’s Day, and you are not here. I have not heard your beautiful voice, or seen your smiling face or been encompassed in your arms in almost two months now. It still does not feel real. Every day without you hurts. Every day that I wake up knowing I cannot just pick up the phone and call you is like a knife to the heart. Some days it is hard to even get out of bed. Some days I just want to stay in bed and cry. . . .These are the days that I hear you. I hear you in my head telling me to get up and be strong. I hear you telling me to take care of myself so that I can take care of my baby that I carry. You did not believe in self-pity. You taught me to be strong, even when it hurts. Today it hurts.

I hope you knew how much we loved you.  How much you were valued by not just your family and extended family, but by your entire community. I hope you know that I will keep your memory alive and I promise to tell your grandchildren all about their amazing grandmother. I hope I was a good daughter to you, as you were a wonderful mother to me.

I am sad mom. I am sad and you aren’t here to comfort me. And that makes me angry. I wasn’t ready for you to not be here – you were always supposed to be here.  I don’t know how to get through today. Do I hide and cry, pretend it isn’t the day that it is? Do I attempt to honour you in some way? I wish I had the answers, like you always did. I think the best I can do is make you some promises and hope that you hear me somehow. So here goes: I promise to always be there for my brothers. You used to call me “second mom” and I will do my best to always be there when and if they need me. I promise to be a supportive daughter to dad, and to call him just as often as I used to call you. I promise to be a loving wife to my husband and to dedicate myself to our life together. I promise to try to be the “glue” of our extended family, just as you were. And most importantly, I promise to be a good mom to my baby, to dedicate my life to him and to sacrifice anything for him, just as you did for my brothers and I.

You are not here, but I can hold you in my heart forever. I love you mom. I miss you. I will miss you forever.

Love,
Your daughter