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3 things I want to tell people but don't
1. F time! Time doesn't heal anything! Time won't bring her back. Time won't fill the black hole in my soul. Time doesn't take away the guilt.
2. Don't tell me what she would want. She was my mother. I knew her better than anyone (with exception of my father). What she would want is to be here. What she would want is to see her grandchildren grow up.
3. There is no need to remind me of what I still have. I know I have my father, family, memories, and friends. Reminding me of my blessings only makes me feel terrible that I can't be what they need me to be right now.
But of course, I know everyone means well. They are trying to comfort me. I would never be rude or reject their kindness. But these are the responses that pop into my mind sometimes.
Am I alone in feeling this way?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Roger on
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Hey Keri,
I lost my wife and soul mate to cancer 2-9-13.After a 5 year battle with that God awful disease. My sweet Mom was struggling with COPD. During this time. She had gotten pneumonia. Had to be on a ventilator. She came out of that with a condition known as encephalopathy (brain damage).Her brain was damaged from lack of oxygen while she had pneumonia. It broke my heart to see my Mom like that. We had all worked together for years and years in our family business. She did everything there. She was very smart. But now, she couldn't tell time. She couldn't dial the phone. She couldn't no longer do her crossword puzzles that she onced loved. She could no longer work out in her flowers. I started staying with her and my 80+ year old father. After my wife died. In July of last year. She got pneumonia once again. After a 9 days in the ICU. She took a turn for the worse. Nothing to do but let her go. So with in a year and a half. I lost the two people I love most in the world. I understand your frustration. I lost my Mom, just the same as you lost yours. It is so sad. I am so very sorry. Thry are not here with us anylonger. NOTHING we can do will change that. No, time will not heal you. No, time will not heal me. We are stuck Keri. Stuck here without the people that mean so much to us. I wish I had a answer for you. But I do not. We are just going to have to go on the best we can. Carrying this pain with us. If you believe in God. Will you pray for me. I will pray for you. I believe our only hope is in Gods promise that for those that put their faith in his hands. They will be together with their loved ones again one day. What other choice do we have? We must trust God. -
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Keri, I feel the same,sometimes I wish I could run away from all of my feelings just for awhile,and be invisible to everyone. The only thing that keeps me here is the same thing that drives me crazy. I know they love me,and I know they mean well, even if they don't really understand what I'm going through.
I hope someday you can find peace with your grief.
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I feel exactly the same Keri.
Yes ,time doesn't heal.Infact with time people forget and it becomes more difficult to find someone,to talk about your loved one.
Yes even my mom would have wanted to be with us especially my brother who was going through a very traumatic divorce,when mom was assaulted.
I've been told to be thankful to God for all that I have.What do I have? God was not there when she needed him /her the most !
And I've been told to forgive and forget !!! Forgive whom? the murderer ?
Forget what? the trauma,mom must have gone through when she was being assaulted and then lost her Life?
Just like you,I have taken up the responsibillity of my mom and miss her all the more.
May you find the strength to hold yourself.Take care.
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Permalink Reply by Katie Barrington on
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i have to say no. You are not alone in feeling this way. The day my mother died and we were at the hospital, this random lady...just trying to be nice, and i understand...but she was just so up in our faces and all over us...kept asking us if we wanted anything, that it would be alright, that time would heal. And when she got in my face asking if she could get me anything i snapped and told her unless she could and would bring my mother back she could get out of my face and away from my family. Looking back it wasnt the best way to handle the situation but my god....you are right. and i get people just want to help, but at some point they have to give space and quit with the generic cliche sayings.
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Keri, You aren't alone in your feelings. I miss my mother terribly, not a day goes by that I don' t want to talk to her.
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