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Comment by Mel Joyce on May 3, 2010 at 9:09pm

@Courtney, thanks. helps so see posts. @Patricia, i know what you mean about the phone call. My sister and i had to shut off services from my dad's phone, but before that, if someone called me from his house, it read dad. i haven't taken him out of my cell phone and I randomly or habitually call him but now instead of answering machine i get the no service message. makes me sad, but i still call. Feeling crazy is normal. just realized that last week myself. I started going to a GriefShare group, and i understood my feelings better. For instance, i am sure you have a never ceasing voice echoing within yourself that throws thousands of questions, or runs memory flashes through your head constantly. You emotions go from simple sadness to complete anguish and you just want to scream, cry, run, go nuts and yell at the top of your lungs for the world to stop and realize the pain and the loss of your dad. But i realized the world hasn't stopped, not even paused because my dad died. Only my world has been affected and what i know now and still working on is that the pain will never go away or heal, it's a wound that i will trying to make better, and my world will never be the same. The normal that i once knew is different. And that is how i have to treat it, different, i have to live a new life without my dad. It's not taking day by day, it's taking moment by moment because one moment i will be fine and the next moment something will trigger me and i will go from 1 to 10 on my sadness scale, if you will. So my advice keeping moving along, and continue to seek avenues to give you the tools to help you make your wound better. I have turned to books, music, medication, greifshare group, counseling, and church. I am taking it all in right now. Hope that something i said helps. May you be in God's grace, covered in His love & strength during this time.

Comment by Becky Redmon on May 3, 2010 at 8:55pm

Now the depression has kicked in. It's been since Aug 2009, and it is so unbelievable. Everyday I think about him, it is so unacceptable. I write to him in a journal and I think 'what am I doing?' I'm supposed to be talking to him like I used to. The only one I could every talk silly to. He loved all his children. He was the only one I would always have fun with because he was a good man. It is unbelievable and I feel so very alone.

Comment by Patricia Melton on May 3, 2010 at 8:33am

I lost my Dad two weeks ago. It hurts so bad. I got a phone call yesterday from my step mother and in my cell phone their number is still listed as Dad. I without thinking looked at my cell and thought oh look Dad is calling. And then realized my mistake and couldn't stop crying. He used to work for the local newspaper and I saw a paper sitting on a driveway on the way to church yesterday and started crying. I feel guilty if I smile or laugh. Is all this normal? I'm scared of losing my sanity thru this.

Comment by Courtney Adams on April 28, 2010 at 11:10am

I understand your feelings my dad died Nov 20th and it seems like a piece of my heart and soul is missing everyday. He didnt even get to see me graduate from college. That was is proudest moment of me. I just wish he could be here to guide me thru some of the hard times I have because he was my guiding light. I loved hime very much!!!....If you ever need to talk just write me up some time!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on April 27, 2010 at 7:18pm

just wanted to post some of my thoughts and feelings. I have had good days and bad days. I miss my dad, but i am looking at many avenues to help me get through this. last week i went to my first grief share group. It was perfect because i was on the second day of a really bad couple of mental melt downs. It helped to see the video and talk with people afterwards and share. I still try to keep busy, but my down times always go back to thoughts of my dad being gone. I hope to not be so mental but figure this out, usually he is my guide along with prayer and my Lord Jesus Christ. I sure do miss you dad. Love you!!!

Comment by Mel Joyce on April 14, 2010 at 8:53pm

i am still having trouble dealing with my dad's passing. He died unexpectedly at the age of 57. He went in his sleep and we are still waiting on the ME report. He was on heart medication so i suspect that his heart gave out. But i am in disbelief and numb to the whole situation. i still call him and look for his emails. I wonder why he is gone. We come from long line of family members who live well into their 90s, our longest was 103 years old. I miss my dad. He was my advisor, counselor, prayer warrior. He loved the Lord with all his heart and was a ray of sunshine. I miss hearing his voice, reading his emails, and listening to the going ons on his daily life. I struggle with seeing a doctor for sleeping pills or antidepressants or even seeing a counselor to talk it out. This is my only outlet for now. I am lost and trying to figure out how to go on from here. It has been 5weeks and 6 days since he has been gone. I love you daddy and miss you so much!!

Comment by Jennifer on April 5, 2010 at 9:58pm

Hello, I am new here and not sure where to post my introduction. I lost my Dad on March 25 to a sudden illness. He has always been a fit man and never sick a day in his life until then. He was admitted to the hospital on Monday night, moved to ICU on Tuesday night, Wednesday he was diagnosed with a rare blood disease, and he coded at 7:50 AM Thursday morning before they could even start treatment. We were told he would survive this and he would be fine even though he was very ill. I watched the code team due CPR on my Dad for 20 minutes and brought him back to life. He lived another hour and 45 minutes and in that time my brother, sister, and our spouses were all able to get to the hospital. I never told him goodbye because i was in denial I guess that he was really going to die. I was holding his hand though and said I Love you Daddy 2 times and after I said it the 2nd time his heartrate jumped up from the low 30's to the upper 50's and within seconds he was gone again. Only this time he didn't come back. I am lost, mad, confused, and the grief is unbearable. I was very close to my Dad and went to him for everything. I want to know why this happened to us. :( Things like this don't happen to us. I hope to find comfort in all of your stories and know that I am not alone in this.

Comment by Mel Joyce on April 5, 2010 at 1:14pm

I am having trouble getting back to normal. i miss my dad and just can't believe he is gone.

Comment by Cerissa Brown on April 4, 2010 at 11:38pm

Savannah I know exactly what you mean. My dad passed away on February 18, 2010. Since then, my life has turned completely upside down. It's know I don't know my felt from my right anymore. It's so hard to think that I won't ever get to see my dad again--talk to him, hug him, or tell him I love him. Everyone says time will heal, but when? I have so many emotions that I just don't know what to do with them. Everyday is a struggle...

Comment by savannah durant on April 2, 2010 at 2:41pm

im 17 years old. i lost my dad on jan 9th 2010. he was in a fatal car accident in plaistow nh. me and my 2 sisters were at his house the weekend it had happened. we woke up to the policeofficer from sandown where he had lived banging on the door. i thought we had done something wrong but then i took a sec to think about it and was like no we couldnt have we were sleeping but the police officer had asked us if there was any adults home and we said no just us. he said well i need too speak to an adult so i asked what was going on he said ken has been in a car accident. so not thinking it was so bad at that moment i went and called my mom. he talked to her for about 30 min maybe more but then he came back and had my sister call her mom. and after he walked out the door i called my mom back to see what was going on she said she didnt know but then she said she was on her way to come get me. well thinking my dad was going to be okay we cleaned for him and everything. then my mom had called too ask for directions so i brought my phone to the officer so he could give her directions. and i looked at his computer screen. he had down all my sisters mom info then under neath he wrote i had advise vikki of kenneths loss. then thats when it hit me. i had told my sister when i went back into the house. and then everyone showed up and we were crying by the time they walked in the house. my mom had come right over to me and all she could say was im so sorry baby im so sorry... it hurts so much to know that my dad who also my best friend is gone forever. i have days where im okay then just randomly have a mental break down. its so hard to think about him being gone. i remember the day he died i didnt really believe it i thought it was a dream i had txted him saing "daddy. i love you." at 1:44pm. and everyday i sit here and watch my phone hoping to get a call or txt. hes gone but it just doesnt feel like reality at all just feels like a nightmare thats been going on for almost 4 months. i just wish there was someway i could have him back and not go through all this pain i have inside..

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