Comment

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 16, 2011 at 9:15pm

Elaine, I am very sorry that you lost your dad.  I am glad you were able to be with him though. I left three hours before my dad died, and I wish I would have stayed.  I am very grateful that you were able to be with him.  Maybe when you are ready you can tell your story - had he been sick, what was wrong, how you are doing, etc.  Blessings to you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Elaine Ewalt on May 16, 2011 at 9:07pm

I lost my Dad May 3.  he passed in my arms.  I miss him so much! 

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 16, 2011 at 1:26am

Sorry - at the beginning of my last post I said NDE's when I meant ADE's.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 16, 2011 at 1:24am

On to the NDE's, I got a call around 4:30 in the morning on the 21st to tell me he had passed at 4:25.  The next night at 4:25, my cell phone rang but when I answered it no one was there.  The weird part was that there was no list of that call on my call list.  It was like it never happened.  I felt like he was with me for several days.  And, one day there was a double rainbow as I came out of the grocery store, and it literally followed me up the street.  It stayed in front of my car for over a mile when I should have been passing it.  I called my niece in a city about 1.5 hours away, and she was seeing a double rainbow too.  This is significant, because the night my mom died there was a double rainbow outside her window and when my dad was supposed to die six months ago but he chose to continue with aggressive care due to his fear of death, there was a double rainbow outside his window at the hospital.  One night, I had a dream where an angel crested the top of a cloud hill and asked me if I wanted to come to my father's services.  I said yeah and jumped up to go with her, but when I did I jumped up in my body as well, which woke me and ended the dream.  I wonder what type of services?  When my mom died, she came to me in a dream and told me she was feeling much better, but I've had no dreams with my dad in them and I feel like I need him to tell me he is okay to believe it, mostly because of the teachings of that awful church we grew up in.  But, the weirdest ADE of all is that my dog died 12/14/10.  Around that time, unbeknownst to any of us, a dog ended up in a shelter.  I began to have dreams about a white dog with black spots.  My dad told me to take money out of his account and by a dog, but I was not ready.  So, he and I talked and talked about the dog he would get me some day.  We said it would be a white dog with black spots - one over each eye definitely and maybe a spot or two on his body.  I told my dad that when he gave me that dog,I would name it Elbert, because that was my dad's middle name.  Two days after my dad's funeral, I get an email from a shelter asking me, since I had a history of working an abused person, if I could take a severely abused dog they had rescued from a hoarder that had been in their shelter since mid-December and to their great surprise not one person had even shown any interest in him at all. At first I thought no, because I wanted a Rottweiler mix like my dog who had recently died.  But, a few days later something prompted me to open the picture they sent and it was a white Boxer mix with a black spot over each eye and one on his back, and he looked exactly like the dog I'd dreamed and that my dad and I had described to each other.  Elbert will most likely be coming to live with me next weekend.  He is heart worm positive but in the early stages or he would have been here today. There are a few more things to work out due to the heartworm, but we hope he will be here by next weekend.  I feel like my dad definitely sent me this dog, and maybe my old dog who passed away had something to do with it too.  I felt my dog around me for several days after he died too - he was running after mel like he'd not been able to do in life for a long time.  I felt him so strongly that at one point I stopped what I was doing to tell him he shouldn't worry about me but he should go where he was supposed to go.  I didn't tell my dad to go on. I'm selfish - I didn't really want him to.  I decided to let him go on - if they do go on; maybe they stay near us indefinitely - at his own pace.  Due to his handicaps, he needed me a lot.  I figure if he still needs me, he is welcome to stay close.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 16, 2011 at 1:10am

Okay, that one took, so I will keep writing.  Since the day after his funeral, I've been catching up house work and yard work and other responsibilities I never had time to get to for the last several years, so I feel guilty like I shouldn't be so easily getting on with these tasks.  But, every time I step away from them and give myself a minute to feel I cry and cry and cry.  One part of me is relieved that he is not suffering any more and the other part of me misses him and feels angry that he couldn't go back to being who he was.  You see, his handicaps came from him being severely abused as a child, so he had a hard time relaxing and even spent several years before he got pain medicine and anti-depressants drinking to kill the physical and emotional pain.  The church he grew up in and that was handed down to me by other family members always told both of us that the behaviors he had from his PTSD meant he was evil and was going to hell, so he was very afraid to die even though he had asked God for forgiveness on several occasions and did so again just about ten hours before he died.  I feel badly that I think he wanted me to stay with him that night, but I went home about 1 in the morning and he died three hours later.  I wish I would have stayed with him, because he was very afraid to die, and he must have been scared without me.  But, since he died, I've had several after death experiences that I don't know if they are real or my imagination, but I will share them on a third comment as I don't know if you have size limits on these comments.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 16, 2011 at 1:03am

Hi.  I lost my dad 24 days ago on April 21, just a few days before his 79th birthday.  I have a whole array of feelings. The first one is that I think more often than not, I feel numb.  I was heavily involved in his care, and he needed a lot of care due to him being severely handicapped and the more time he spent in bed his muscles locked up and he was almost paralyzed by the time he passed away.  And, I'm going to add this comment now to make sure it works and then if it does I'll tell the rest of my story in a second comment.

Comment by Mel Joyce on May 15, 2011 at 6:51pm

hey this is a good site to vent and share feelings. I have used it quite a bit. It feels good to know people out there understand what you are going through. I miss my dad too! I lost him March 4, 2009. It still hard at times too. I will wait to see your reply or post.

 

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on May 13, 2011 at 9:07pm

I just want to see if this works right now.  I just spent a long time spilling my guts and all of my deepest feelings in a comment only to have it rejected cuz I'm new to this site and did not know I had to apply to each group first before I could post to it.  I want to make sure this one goes through and then maybe in a few days I can find the strength to say everything I said in that comment that I just lost.  Thanks,

Comment by Marian Johnson on April 6, 2011 at 6:38pm

Melissa- Even though I spend weeks without much tears or even rational feeling for my loss, less than a week ago the tears did come. I seem to go back and forth between numbness and uncontrollable tears (usually starting with something I read or seeing a character on a television show losing someone). I continually feel like I might just be losing my mind when the pain hits. . .I even started having irrational anger towards those around me (blaming my husband for making me live 2 states away from him, so I missed saying goodbye to him when he died).  I have no clue what the future holds for me or if this feeling with last forever, but I wanted to let you know that the tears do come.

Comment by Marian Johnson on April 6, 2011 at 5:53am

My father passed away March 5, 2011 at the age of 53 from a unknown cause. He left behind myself and 5 of my younger siblings (one still in high school). I felt that because I deal with loss and grief so frequently due to my profession as a nurse, that I would be immune to the irrational stages of grieving. I spent the last few weeks in a daze, almost wondering if I was a monster because I wasn't crying like everyone else. A couple of days ago I started feeling very depressed and crying. Feeling very alone.

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• …
• 85
• 86
• 87
• 88
• 89
• …
• 108
• Next ›
• Page