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Comment by Linda on January 1, 2012 at 9:06am

Happy New Year to everyone!  I am welcoming 2012 with open arms.  2011 was not a good year and I am glad to see it go.  The strange thing is, I look at dates prior to my father's death and think" that is when he was still alive."  I won't be able to think that in 2012.  I guess I will just think every day he is looking down on me. 

Comment by christianlee on December 31, 2011 at 12:17pm

How very true....guess I need to think like that.

Comment by Elke on December 31, 2011 at 11:42am

The only way I can get through the day is the thought that he is watching over me, helping me, taking care of me. He's always with me.  It's the only way I can walk down the street...

Comment by christianlee on December 31, 2011 at 5:15am

I sure am not ready to say goodbye to 2011. Feel like dad will be forgotten. Wish I could stay in the summer of 2011 because I feel closer to dad then. Just not ready to start a new year without him.

Comment by Elke on December 30, 2011 at 9:27am

I put together photo albums for mom and sis for xmas of dad and them so they wouldnt' forget. Going through old photos was painful but also a few made me laugh outloud of things I'd forgotten. I wish I knew where i was with this. Home, I'm ok, working, with friends, I forget the pain but know he's gone but my life goes on. And I do smile when I think of him. But being back at the house is so painful and so full of responsibility and sad memories. I dont' know if i'm in denial or shock or just want to forget. Things are definitely easier but it's the sharp moments of remembering that makes things too painful.  Thank god for my business and my clients. As a friend told me days after he passed, 'get back to work, it will save you', he was right.

Comment by marie on December 30, 2011 at 9:21am

A big group hug for all of us!!! My mind knows that Daddy was sick for so long and is so much better off but my heart just still plain hurts sometimes. I guess when you love as much as we loved, you're going to hurt just as much. A friend told me that someday our memories will make us smile instead of cry. I can't wait for that day!!!!

 

Comment by marie on December 30, 2011 at 9:17am

I am sooooooo glad it is all over!! I "went through the motions" as best I could. I stayed busy, and even had some good moments but am soooooo glad this one is behind us. The grief still comes in waves and I never know when it will hit. Thanks everyone for listening.

 

Comment by Linda on December 30, 2011 at 8:58am

Elke, I agree.I am so glad the holidays are over.   I am really looking forward to returning to work where I feel like I have some sort of control.  I remember a couple days after he passed, I just wanted to go back to work and forget it happened.  Christmas was not as difficult as I thought because, I didn't think about it (probably not the best idea).  At Christmas Eve Dinner, we took a moment to remember him and that is the only time I broke down.  Elke, I am so sorry for your sadness and you are my thoughts. 

Comment by Elke on December 29, 2011 at 6:17pm

sadly xmas was so much harder than I thought it would be. Alone in this empty house that was so much his, I wrapped presents, shopped for my mom and sister, got dinner, and sobbed all day. This was so much harder than thanksgiving.  So much emptier. Mom asked where he was once. We couldn't answer.  But hearing her laugh and singing along to xmas music made my heart smile. She did once ask if we heard footsteps in the kitchen. We didnt' but I think she heard dad in her own way, showing her he was here.  But i'm glad it's over.  So much of the holidays and family was my dad. it's hard for me to take over for him. I do it for my family but for me, it just breaks my heart. It's been almost a year, but I'm still slammed with sadness and tears in certain moments.  I can't wait to get back to nY and my work so I can forget this holiday season. I'm so over it.

Comment by christianlee on December 29, 2011 at 5:03pm

So very sad.

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