My dad was really too young to die. Some day's It doesn't even register to me that he is actually gone. I was so use to not speaking to my father before he passed....that not talking to him now isn't as hard as it would be for some people that just lost their dad. What hurt's is knowing all the things I wished I had said and now I can never tell him.... 

I ask myself why a lot.... my dad had just become an ordained minister and got his own church in 2012... i may not have agreed with all of his beliefs but he came along way from the drunk he use to be when i was a small child. He had so much to give and underneath all the religious stuff was a really good guy...we just did not see eye to eye on so many things the biggest being that I'm a lesbian and in my family's home this was not acceptable. Nothing I could have said would have ever changed his mind....he told me on numerous occasions that I would burn in hell for being a lesbian.... 19 and scared to loose my family the first time i ever came out I went back and forth with my sexuality in order to please my parents.

My Dad had divorced my biological mother when I was 8 and remarried when I was 9. My step-mother physically abused me and i came from a very strict biblical home. My dad was always my rock....all I ever wanted to do was make him proud, i disappointed him so many times.... lied and stole and he would always take up for me. Eventually he started siding with my step mother and every decision that was ever made (parenting wise) was based off the bible. I resented my father..in my mind he was such a pussy for letting my step mom beat me up, I had no idea how much I resented him over the years....

I miss my dad and even tho we had our issues I know he loved me and nothing or no one can ever take that away. For those of you who have lost your dad my heart goes out to you......your never alone and if ever you just want to talk i am here. 

Steph