Hi. I'm new here and I have to say I am so glad to have found this site. I've read through some of the discussions and its good to see I am not alone on my feelings. I guess this would be the time to share my story.

I lost my dad on April 2, 2011. He had suffered a massive stroke in July of 09 and was completly bedbound. My mom refused to put him into a care facility, so he was cared for at home by my mother and myself. We had no outside help until Hospice came in the days leading up to his death. He did have a RN that came to the house once a week for blood work and to check on him. I have an older brother who has never really been around. My dad and him just couldn't seem to get along. I on the other hand have always been a daddy's girl. I refused to go out of town for the day or make any plans during my dads sickness. I always made I was only a phone call away in case I was needed. We slowly watched my dad go from a big strong man to a thin shell of what he used to be. Up until the end he was in complete control of his mind, his body just no longer would move for him. He refused to be moved from his home to the VA hospital and any other care his nurse offered. When he passed he had refused food for 16 days. Then I got the phone call I knew was coming, his nurse was with him and asked that I got there as soon as possible. He was starting to fade,but still knew what was going on. That was at noon. By 6pm Hospice had been called in, he wasn't expected to make it through the night. The last words my dad said were "momma take me home" and then he closed his eyes and they didn't open again. ( my gma passed in 2004) That was on Wednesday. I sat by my dad's side holding his hand, talking to him. My mom couldn't enter his room and my brother had shown up for the first time in 2 years. I just sat there....through Wednesday night, through Thursday, through Friday. He never woke up, but he wasn't letting go either. I cried and prayed and told him it was alright to go. We all finally slept for a couple hours Friday night. I woke to the nurse asking me to get my mom. My daddy finally let go at 7am on Saturday with us by his side. I can't believe it has almost been a year already. It seems so much harder now than it did even when it happened.  I try to be stong for my kids but its so hard (they are having a really hard time with the anniversary coming up also) I miss him so much. The last year has been hell with alot of big changes being made, I just wish i could hear him tell me its going to be ok.

I guess I have rambled on enough,it just feels good to let some of it out.