Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mel Joyce on November 23, 2010 at 1:35am

sorry to hear that Teresa, i know how you feel. My dad passed away, March 4th, it is hard. Even now, i struggle, but i must keeping moving along, i have four little home with me, all under the age of 8. My dad was my best friend too. He was my counselor, prayer warrior, friend, many things to me. i loved calling him in the morning and chatting with him over coffee. He use to call me over the silliest things, but it was stuff like that, that makes me miss him so. I know what you mean about everything happening so fast. I spent a whole month back home taking care of his affairs, then when i returned to my home, it was disaster, i couldn't sleep, function, didn't want to do anything. my husband asked me to get help, he needed me and the kids needed me. so i saw the doctor, got sleeping pills, antidepressants, joined a griefshare group, and jump on this site too. It has been a comfort knowing other people are experiencing so much grielf and confusion. My best advice is try anything that will get you moving again. Being stuck is the hardest part because without your dad, it's just not the same. Not normal, so now you have to find a new normal and deal with many emotions, moment to moment. it's not day to day, because anything sets you off, Now with the holidays, it will be another round of crazy emotions. So my friend, i will pray for you and hope you find some avenues to get help. Sleep is the first thing you need to get under control first. without sleep you can't function. So look into that first. Take care & God bless ya, mel

Permalink Reply by Stan Goldberg, Ph.D. on February 25, 2011 at 8:18am

Hi Teresa,

 

As a bedside hospice volunteer for 8 years I've often seen what you described. You said "I feel like I am stuck in that moment when  he took his last breath and haven't even had a chance to grieve." Being stuck at the moment of someone's death a year after it occurred is a part of grieving. I can see how disconcerting it might be to believe nothing has changed in one year. But it probably has in a multitude of ways.

 

Any significant loss is traumatic, whether it's the death of a loved one or a relationship. What follows is the emotional equivalent of physical shock. And just as in physical shock, the consequences and length of time it lasts are unpredictable. But it sounds as if you're ready to move on--I don't think to grieving (you're there already)--but rather to recovery.

Permalink Reply by Carolyn Halsey-Minnick on March 27, 2011 at 12:11am

Teresa, I know exactly what you mean.  The nightmare seems never ending even when awake.  After my dad passed in May I had to come back home and get ready for an inspection on my apartment, a friend of mine of 30 years ended our friendship, my sons ex-girlfriend took visitation of my granddaugter from me because she isnt happy that my son doesnt have a job; and all I want to do is scream dont you people know what has happened!  Near the end, just days before he passed he told the nurse, "You know I've been a strong old boy, but I dont think I'm this strong, I think this thing has beat me", even then I didnt wat to hear something like that, he had fought so hard and never once complained, to me no-one could ever be stronger than that.