Lost my dad to cancer in May 2014

After initially finding a mass in my dad's lung on January 31, 2014, he passed less than 4 months later on May 20. Ive had a very difficult time coping. My marriage has suffered because I'm not coping well. I don't even know how to start to cope. I finally called to schedule an appointment with a counselor which will take place at the end of January. I'm hoping that will help.

I feel stuck in my grief. I miss my dad beyond words - though we weren't exceptionally close, he was my anchor & kept me grounded. I'm a lot like him and often I felt like he was the only one in my family who "got me" and now there's no one like that. I miss my life "BC" - before cancer.

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Permalink Reply by Roger on January 11, 2015 at 7:08pm

Hi Kari,

I can understand your relationship with your Dad. It was exactly like that with my mother. Loved me like no mother has ever loved their child. She passed in July 2014. I loved her so very much. In December of 2011 She had pneumonia. Had to be hospitalized. It was so bad that she had to go on the ventilator for several days. In the process of removing the tube down her throat. She suffered from lack of oxygen. Leaving her with what's knows as encephalopathy (brain damage). Her diagnosis was COPD. She had to go on oxygen 24/7. Lots of other medicine too.  Breathing treatments twice a day. She could no longer speak very good. Had no short term memory at all. Couldn't dial the phone. We couldn't leave her by herself. My Dad, in his 80's, had to be with her.  But isn't able to cook and shop. Take her to the Doctor. So forth. All of that fell on me. (A major draw back to being a only child) However caring for her wasn't a burden at all. Even though she was ill. She was still super sweet. Fortunately my wife and I only live about a mile from them.

 In the middle of this awful thing that had happened to my mother. My wife was battling breast cancer. She passed in February of 2013. Devastating me beyond words. Karla was my soul mate. A wife that most men can only dream about.  Now they are both gone.

I'm not coping well either. I really am just so lost. I had such a wonderful life. Now nothing but these awful, terrible, memories of what they both had to go through before they died. So believe me when I say I feel your pain. It hurts Kari. It hurts bad I know. I do believe in God. I hope you do too. Lets pray for each other.  

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