My husband, my Knight in shining armor, had a massive stroke 4 years ago. My sweet, gentle, patient husband became unpredictable, verbally abusive and dangerous to be around. In one of his more lucid moments, we made the difficult decision to separate. We have 3 kids and the things he would say to them when he was out of control would tear him apart afterwards. After separating, his health continued to decline and several times we were told it was only a matter of months before we lost him. It was so painful and I stopped seeing him although I would talk to him on the phone periodically. Yesterday he had another massive stroke and is in the ICU on a ventilator. He has very little time left and will never be responsive again. We are actually losing him this time. It all feels so fresh, the pain is just as deep if not deeper than when we lost the person that he was before the first stroke. So much sadness but intertwined with guilt. Guilt that I couldn't be there for him more. Guilt that there is some relief that he'll be at peace. Guilt that I'm glad our kids will no longer have to live with wondering when he's going to go.