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Comment by Amie on May 4, 2012 at 2:06pm

How can this nightmare get any worse? Well, I found out this week. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it would happen, it was really just a matter of time. The family of my mom's abuser and subsequent murderer have begun to blame the victim. My heart is aching. How could anyone think that she deserves to accept a portion of the blame. I have heard/read several comments like "well, she stayed" and "she had the affair". I have declined to comment publicly or privately regarding this matter with them, but I feel safe here. These statement are outrageous. He took her life, nothing else matters. Everything before and after the moment he pulled the trigger are irrelevant. I can't begin to tell you how ignorant I beleive they are. Nothing she ever did warranted killing her. They are trying to make a martyr out of a monster. It makes me sick to my stomach. How could you even try to justify taking a live. There are an endless flurry of mean spiteful things I want to say to them, but I don't. I will not be like them.

Comment by Amie on April 30, 2012 at 2:07pm

Disclaimer: please know that I mean no disrespect, I don't mean to belittle anyone's grief. I simply need to vent and this provides me that outlet without hurting the feelings of those I love. He killed Tammy, he took her life. I struggle with that everyday. I think of who she was, I miss her laugh, her jokes/lies, her over the top dramatic behaviors. This list could go on and on. She was a beautiful and wonderful person, but no without her faults. I can get up every morning missing Tammy, dealing with Tammy's estate, talking about Tammy. To everyone she was Tammy (my daughter, Tammy; my sister Tammy; my friend Tammy). I don't understand how someone could have known Tammy, and her unbelievably big heart and taken her life. That makes no sense to me. I look around my family and see parts of Tammy throughout, from my grandma, aunts and uncles, and numerous nieces and nephews.

However, I can't find a trace of my mommy! It is inconceivable to me that he could kill my mommy, I can't even bring myself to utter the words. I can not process that pain, it too much to bare, so I put my mommy in a box and bury it all way down deep. This is what I have to do in order to get out of bed in the morning.

Tammy was a person, my mommy was perfection. That's why she is mine, all mine. This pain is mine, all mine. Tammy was one in a million, my mommy was the only one.

How could anyone imply to me that their pain is greater than mine. How dare those words trickle from your lips.

Comment by Amie on March 22, 2012 at 2:10pm

Don't tell that everything happens for a reason or that this was part of God's plan. My mom's murder was committed by a man of his own free will. It was cold and heartless. My mom is no longer with me because of his choice, not becuase she became ill, or was involved in an accident. She was taken from me. It was NOT her time.

I know who the monster in this story is, there is no doubt in my mind. However, I also know that there were people involved that continued to throw gas on the fire. No, they didn't make that final, permanent choice, but they did watch as the situation burned out of control.

I've had indivduals tell me over the past few months since her murder that, "I knew something bad was going to happen." I can't help but wonder, why didn't you do something.

He was drinking and becoming increasingly more controlling. On a regular basis these people would drive by her house and follow her, just so they could "report" anything back to him.

How can these same people act like they were surprised when he did this? They knew and they were contributing factors. These things don't negate his action, but honestly it gives me another place to direct my anger.

I couldn't believe that a couple of them asked for an item, gift that they had given her back. Well, I felt that a better place for those items was on the cement patio, so I dropped them from a second floor window.

You were not a mom's friend. You didn't care about her and you didn't truely matter to her. She's mine. I know there are people that cared about my mom, but I don't care.

Maybe I'm self-centered, but she's mine. This is my loss. I refuse to share any of her with anyone else. They're sad for what happened, but they will go on. This hasn't disrupted their lives. I'm lost without her.

Sometimes I think if I close my eyes and then open them really fast I'll see a glimpse of her. I miss her so very much everyday.

Comment by Cynthia S. Marcinkowski on March 15, 2011 at 6:31am

My sister was 30 yrs old & never awoke again the Memorial Day. We were both victims of domestic violence. When I left my husband she stated she was going to watch what I did and do the same thing. Well I got arrested for not stopping when the cops came up behind me to serve a custody order. My daughter screaming do not stop I can't go back home I did not stop my car, I drove 25 miles an hour to the right so they could pass me. I ended up in jail for 22 days plead guilty to eluding & child abuse/neglect. Now I have a permanent record of a felon, I was arrested at her home. In March of 2010 she was cleaning her bedroom & found a substance in a jar the jar next to it had wash clothes in it. Upon opening it she had all kinds of flash backs-she confronted her boyfriend & he confirmed that he had made homeade chloroform from computer & was giving it to her while she slept so he could rape her. She took her 2 kids & left him. Her daughter was 5 & her son was 9. Needless to say she fell for the line I will change I will get help. Not even a month after returning she never woke up. The worst part for me was the fact that I had all this knowledge & no proof. I did not go to police * same police that arrested me & further victimized feeling They would not believe me & she would deny it anyway. Now her son & daughter are wards of the state & I can not even help them because of my own backgroung-I can not even get a job.! Then to top it all off, the prosecutor is chaulking it up to a heart condition. Yes they found evidence in the house & yes the autopsy showed chloroform in her body from that night----so whats the problem???? In the mean time he is seeing a woman that looks just like my sister, she has 2 children. I can not get involved even though I want to warn her..Why when a woman of domestic abuse gets enough courage to leave the violence behind-is she then treated repeatedly like a victim? There is something very wrong here. I just completed my 2-yrs probation & I returtned back to my husband. I am 42 have fibromyalgia only recieve 900.00 a month & I have two girls now 13 & 15. I could not survive on my own on this income & everywhere I turned for help the door was slammed in my face. I can not even get an apartment as I am a convicted felon------for trying to save my own children.!!!!!!!!! Where is the justice in this world? Oh yeah & I can not forget that the same cops that arrested me are now investigating her murder (  I do not hol any faith here ) I did recieve an apology for my previous treatment and arrest...a LOT TOO LATE!!!!!! She might still be alive today had my situation been different. I Love & Miss her so much!! She was like a daughter to me. This time last year she was alive & I heard her story & I looked in her eyes & I told her I can not live without you!!! Now she is gone. I am always asking myself why her & not me????