WHERE AM I? WHEN DOES IT END?

I have fought to keep what little there is left of my sanity. Annette being gone has caused profound pain mentally and physically. I know many here know what I'm talking about. I wake up and STILL expect to find her laying down in bed with me every morning.

I still keep having flashbacks of the good times and bad times. When we kissed, when we fought.  It still feels like the first day.

I'll find peace when we're together. Until then,   my life is nothing but just waiting to until with God's mercy my time will come soon and I can be at rest with Annette.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

Views: 223

▶ Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Nancy on August 6, 2017 at 10:30am
I'm sorry for your loss Richard. I'm guessing your wife would not want you to give up and would want you to finish your mission here on earth whatever that may be. I lost my husband in a whirlwind cancer diagnosis on May 10. He lived 7 months. I haven't even begun to process it but I know he would want me to try and carry on as best I can. Are you seeing a grief counselor?
Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on August 6, 2017 at 12:07pm

Nancy:

You have my sympathies over the loss of your beloved husband. I suppose each of us are stuck in certain situations are the same.

For me, with with no children, partially disabled with morbid obesity and a groin filled with so much  lymphatic fluid I walk with what amounts to a small  beach ball between my legs.

The solitude as I have mentioned in previous posts is literally taking its toll. I have micro-blackouts which  means I faint for a second only to find out I've been unconscious for an hour or so.

This means cooking is out. I have no strength for shopping and I lay in bed in agony. Add the job I currently have and now soon will lose due to my inability of having a mix of pain and exhaustion walking a few feet at a time.

I'm going to lose my position as I was warned no "sleeping on the job". I was able to keep thus far thanks to a doctors note. But that won't last as I get worse and worse.

\I go this Tuesday for a medical assessment to determine if I am eligible for social security disability. It's the final portion after 6 months of hoping and waiting. If i don't get it, after fighting to hold on to my apartment, I will finally once and for all be homeless. Something I have tried avoiding since Annette died.

I continue to fight but every fight ends with someone winning or someone losing. My help is failing but if it's my fate to be homeless, I can at least know I fought as best I could.

I'm going to pray Tuesday goes well.

Rich

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on August 6, 2017 at 5:20pm

for me no had a bad few yrs thrt it wud be ok

bt ths yrs bean a bad 1

bean a vivtm of crim

moms alz/dem gets wors 

i no i need 2 cry bt im wored if ido ill  be cri till 2020

sorry if imsayin wong tthns or putin my foot in ti

Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on August 7, 2017 at 9:04am
Jo:

You shouldn't feel bad about what you have said. everyone of us grieves differently. some people find it easy to say "grow up" and "get over it". They think we're like machines. when we're just human beings and human beings love and need love. when we lose that love a part of us literally is taken away. Love is indeed like a limb.

RSS

Groups

Latest Activity

david karpe posted a status
"I'm wondering if Myrna is well. Happy new year to Myrna and everybody."
Jan 15
0 Comments
david karpe is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 15
Welcome Them!
Sasha Moshko posted a discussion

My Fathers Loss

Many years ago, I lost my father after his battle with colon cancer that later spread to his bones. The grief stayed with me longer than I expected. Ambrosia Behavioral Health helped me work through that loss, understand my emotions, and find healthier ways to cope and move forward. https://www.ambrosiatc.comSee More
Jan 14
0 Comments
Sasha Moshko left a comment for Sasha Moshko
"Professional help gives you a safe space to talk, understand your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope. It can make grief feel less overwhelming and easier to manage over time. https://www.ambrosiatc.com"
Jan 14
MELANIE WALENDOWSKY BAKER is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 14
Welcome Them!
Krystal Swinehart joined Jodi Denton's group
Thumbnail

Traumatic loss of an only child

I started this group so that people who have lost their only child or the only child that remained, as in my case, could come together because I believe people that did have a child or children who now have none have special issues.
Jan 12
61 Comments
Krystal Swinehart joined Dayna's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
Jan 12
1 Comment
Karen R. replied to Entony's discussion Movies about grief that actually understand loss — any recommendations?
"So sorry!💔💔💔💔💔"
Jan 2

© 2026   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service