I was sat down by my boss, and told I need a grief  cousler or Physhologist.

I watched my best friend die from Ovarian cancer, I spent the last hours of her life, with her, I held her hand as she died, and I can't sleep I guess. I miss her so much it hurts me all the time. I hide, but if you bring her up i cry, i start to tear up, and it's hard, because i don't like appearing weak.

Is it wrong? I have been through so much in my life I just don't know what I am supposed to or where to begin.  I have such a void in my life and I don't have her here, I don't have her support, her laughter, her bossing me around, running my life, and her. I lost a part of me when she died.

When do I rebuild? I go to concerts, i have a few friends. I don't want to get married again. I'm not interested after my first marriage. But i miss her, I miss our friendship. We became close on Sept 11, 2001. And watching the cermonies on TV yesterday, had me crying all day. I remember the loss and I felt the loss of each and every family that day. I felt my heart breaking over 3000 times.

Is it so wrong? Will it ever get easier?