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Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Trying to understand and deal
I join this site because I dont think I can talk to my family about the loss of my Grandmother ( 4-7-08 ) and my Grandfather ( 12-2-09). My grandmother and grandfather raised me and I saw them as my mother and father. I took care of them both up to the day they passed away. My grandmother passed away with out me know there was something worng. It took me off ground and I swear that day when she was layed to rest they took a big part of me. I didnt know how to deal. All I knew at the time is she want and need me to care for my grndfather. They had been togeth 61 years and he was so hurt and lost. I moved close to take care of him. 3 weeks ago he stoped and eatting and wasnt in his right mind. The Drs couldnt give me a stright answer on what was happening to him. But for 3 weeks I sat and watch him dead. Now, I feel lost and I feel mad that they are both gone. I dont know what to do. I dont what to say when my family ask me what is worng. I mean they are griefing too. I just dont know what to do next. I dont sleep, i dont want to be around people, i hate work ( its a family bussince my grandfather and grandmother started). I feel like my life was them and now there not here. So whats next for me I dont know. How do I care on?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Tania Taylor on
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You just go on day by day. Over four months I watched my mother dwindle away. Getting weake and weaker each day until she finally stopped eating and couldn't go on anymore. You just have to remember those special memories just you have. The ones only you got to experience with your grandparents. Remember they loved you and wanted the best for you. It will just take time. You have a lot of support here. We know what you are going through.
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Permalink Reply by Janet on
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I go to work I sit at HIS desk. I go home I pass HIS house.Every where I turn there he should be. I raised by my grandmother ( 4-7-08) and grandfather ( 12-2-09) I built my adult live around them. I took care of them until the day the died. I never had time to deal with my grandmother death, because I jump in to care for my grandfather. Now It seem like there death following me. I know one day at time but I dont know how to care on with out them. Everything I done in life was because of them or for them. At night i watch him not eat and tell me everything is going ot be ok. At night I watch him not know me. At night I watch him died. I wake up, and i feel like crying but it seem like I dont know how to cry.
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everything I see, hear, smell reminds me of my mom. I see a woman on tv with the same hairstyle as my mom and I cry, a similar dress on a woman walking down the street. The smell of foods my mom liked. Everything will remind you. My mom's native language was spanish but when she spoke with us it was always english. One day during her treatment she just started speaking spanish and had no idea my sister couldn't understand. I had always kept it up so I was able to translate. It is like how you said that he didn't know you. I was the main caregiver for my mother. I fed her, cleaned her room, did her laundry, cleaned her up when she needed it. Its hard when you are 100% focused on them and then you don't have that anymore. How do you continue on when that is all you know... u just do. It will be 5 months next week since she has been gone and I still get up with the first thought of ... I have to bring mom breakfast and get her dressed. That automatic need to still want to help them will be there for a very long time or maybe forever. I recently volunteered at the local cancer society because I know it will fulfill that need to still help someone. Maybe find a charitable society to help. It took me 4 months to volunteer and I am going slow with it, but it still helps. knowing that these other people need me to take them to an appt or grocery shopping, or even just to play some cards with them. Find your niche. If not now then eventually you will.
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Thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Your story made me feel like I am not a lone. I thought I was the only one waking up with the thought of what I have to do for my grandfather. I was also his care giver. I was with him every waking moment. I done things for him I never thought I could do. My life was made to make him and also my grandmother until she passed away as easy as I could. I felt like we become one. Now, even after their passing I wake up thinking what i should do with them today. What will make there life easyer or make them smile. I never thought about trying to find somewhere to help other people. That seems like a good idea. Thanks for sharing your story and listening. Maybe I can do this, even though I feel like I cant
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Permalink Reply by Ganny on
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Your story is different to my present crisis. But at one time, I felt what you're feeling. After my Mom was gone, I was so empty I asked "What now." All of my time had been filled with caring for and loving her. Then she was gone. This great big hole opened up in my life and I didn't know what to do with it. My marriage fell apart after that, maybe it was already apart but I was so wrapped up in her I didn't see it, didn't have time for it. I would suggest that you find yourself again, find the person you lost while giving so much and so unselfishless to those you love. Now it's time for you to be reborn into a new life. I know these are not the magic words which will fix everything but it's something to think about, to ponder.
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