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Permalink Reply by MothersWhoHaveLostAChild on April 1, 2013 at 2:17am

We often deal with the actions of others who never see how they are hurting us by how they act. I am sorry the compassion has been lost in your family members, but you have truly retained yours in the simple act of securing your moms future.

I think that it hits us harder as we realize that it is our own family, the people we call blood, that are acting selfish and not compassionate. However, you may realize that they have truly always been this way and the anger is the fact that your father passed away and you are looking for the only outlet you have at the moment. 

I hope that you can find peace in knowing there is nothing you can do to change how people are, and how they probably have always been. However, taking a step back and realizing they have always been this way and starting to focus and work on how you can help YOU would be the biggest step toward healing.

Hugs. I do understand. My situation wasn't family though, mine was the church my father was a part of. They too didn't want anything to do with him while he was sick, but they all came around saying how much they cared for and loved him after he passed. I had to learn that they were always, will always be that way and I didn't have the power or control over them. I started to learn that I needed to focus on me.

Lots of Love,

Christine, on behalf of Mother's Who Have Lost a Child

http://www.motherswhohavelostachild.com/

https://www.facebook.com/kevinspire88?ref=hl

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Permalink Reply by Julia A. on April 4, 2013 at 6:02pm

That sounds very similar to my aunt's behavior after my mother passed away in February. My mother had always struggled with a substance abuse problem whether it was alchohol, lortabs, or methampetamines. My father, his family, and my aunt had all cut ties with her due to some of the decisions she had made and I was the only one left that was still speaking to her. After she died, my aunt wanted everything that belonged to her including the antiques that my dead grandmother meant for me to have. I ended up giving her everything in exchange for her ashes, which she also wanted all of so she could plant a tree on her land with them. I let her have some, but she was mad that she couldn't have them all. Now I'm sorry but I just don't think that is very rational considering that my aunt is unable to have children so when she dies my mother would have no legacy because the person who buys the land will probably cut the tree down. It didn't matter that my mother did not even want that done with her ashes, my aunt only cared about what she wanted and it was very difficult to get those ashes from her. My aunt and her husband also claimed that they did n't have the money to bury her or to pay for the funeral even though they were filthy rich. The state ended up cremating her and I did not have a job at the time. When my mother was dying in the hospital my aunt only vistited for five minutes and it was only a couple of times. She was not helpful at all. When my mother was homeless with rheumatiod arthritis and at that time I was too, my aunt would not let her stay with her because her husband was mad over some money that my mother apparently owed him, but had lost her income tax money while drunk at the Hard Rock Cafe. My aunt and her husband were extremely well off, and they owned two houses, some land, and two or three cars. If it were my sister I would have put my foot down with my husband. I will never speak to my aunt again after how horribly she behaved when my mother passed, and how stingy and selfish she showed herself to be. I'm sorry that your family is acting so crazy, I really am. It's so ridiculous how selfish people are sometimes, and it just blows your mind how people act when somebody dies. People really show their true colors and it's so painful to see how cold-hearted they really are. I'm so sorry and try not to get angry. I hope things get better for you.

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