I come here to read posts and on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the hardest, we are at infinity.  Having to manage the death of our beloved spouse (him or her) is definitely off the charts.  From reading here after three years I have come to see and feel that all of us even with different circumstances have some major things in common which is why this site is such a lifeline.  I have listed them and would like to share them.  These are from all of you but I think resonate as the exact same feelings we each have.

the people I thought would be there for me have left

Seems like 1 step forward and 3 steps back.

I am an adult, and don't understand the meaning of death at all

I'm existing and will make it through this because I don't have a choice

knowing I'm not going through this all alone is definitely helpful

I feel guilty

my husband ……we didn't have anything in order.  So I spend my days on the phone trying to figure things out.  

My mom lost her husband …..I didn't realize until now how terrible it must have been for her.

I still just can't get over the absence and everything I do is done with great effort and sadness

The only energy I really have is anxiety…… I just try to re-channel it

it takes me forever for my brain to claw through the deep fog ……..and sort of wake up

loss has changed who I am

No one will ever love me again like that

I miss him……. so bad it physically hurts

memories that literally hold me hostage

….. was my best friend,  my rock

Now im left behind trying to cope

no one has taken the time to ask how i am…. Everyone seems to expect me to just cope

I miss touch

i feel like all im doing is whining about how bad things are

it is like an episode of the Twilight Zone

When he passed my happily ever after went with him

I am sorry that any of us are here

count this as a good day as I am one day closer to joining him

a horrible dream that we would wake up from

I have to take it one second, one minute, one hour at a time

the world is still moving and don't realize that I am at a standstill

I know he's with me in spirit, but I can't hold him or touch him

I wonder if a person can just will themselves to die.

my family thinks I should be done grieving but I cannot….. I pretend to be ok

I am struggling and I need help

can not even make a decision without getting all confused

I cry every day wanting to know why I could not go with him

Half of me is gone

I'm trying to do things but i dont know how to cope

None of us ever expect this amount of pain and we are all trying to manage it the best we can

everything is a gargantuan effort

alone and broken

There is NO time limit for grief

Until they experience the same gut wrenching life altering loss  that we have experienced, they haven't a clue

All my ups and downs, everything I feel, he was always the first one to know and to understand

Noise, movement, music - practically anything would put my nervous system on excruciating torment

To close:

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.