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Permalink Reply by Stephanie Stone-Merrick on August 29, 2011 at 8:36pm

I am so sorry for your loss Mike. I know it is unbearable, the sudden trauma of losing someone and not even knowing it would happen. I lost my 18 yr old son, Johrdan, on June 20, 2011 in an alcohol related car accident in which my nephew was driving. They were supposed to be home while I was at work. I had never had problems with my son before, he had just graduated the month before on his 18th birthday. He graduated with a scholarship to our local community college, and plans to begin culinary school in the fall. But he was angry with me b/c I had asked him to watch his younger siblings that night. Something that had never been a problem before, but he was struggling with being 18 and trying to cut loose from the home strings. Also my nephew had moved in with us from California due to behavorial problems at home, so he was having a bit of a negative influence on Johrdan. Also very unusual as Johrdan had never been a follower or one to break under peer pressure. But being angry at me I guess got the better of him and they chose to break our house rules and the law. At some point Johrdan left the house and called my nephew to come pick him up. Both heavily intoxicated, Johrdan was vomiting out the passenger side window and my nephew swerved at that time, hitting a construction sign on Johrdan's side breaking his neck and killing him instantly. I received the phone call at 1:46am to come right away. He was pronounced dead @ 1:50 am and nothing in my life has been the same since. I can't breathe when I think about it too long. Especially knowing he died mad at me. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and loss. It is a lonely feeling, no one is experiencing exactly what you are even if the loss is similar. I feel for you in so many ways, I pray for you to find comfort and peace. If you need to talk or vent, I am willing to listen although I may not always have the right words.

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Permalink Reply by mike hodge on August 29, 2011 at 10:05pm

Thank you Stephanie and Janice for your kind and beautiful thoughts, I understand the selfish part and do believe she is not in pain any longer, I also have a strong belief in God although I don't go to church as often as i should.  I am so sorry to you both for your loss.  Please know that there are many who do care, and do not want you to suffer the pain of these situations.  Please try to hang in, i know how difficult that is but it is what we must do.  I felt my wife with me while out of town, she was there telling me all was ok and gave me forgiveness and I forgive her.  That is what prompted me to get someone to the house and find her, I knew something was not right.  I am brokenhearted, but in that moment I felt her there, I was happy for her, she is with her mother and father, and many loved ones...  I know we will be together again...  we all will...  Thank you both so much for your reply, may we all find the peace that Jesus offers us.

 

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Permalink Reply by Shantel Collins on August 31, 2011 at 2:59am

My brother was murdered when he was only 17, I know your pain. I wouldve gladly gave my life so he could live. I'm so sorry, its unbearable for me too. I just keep remembering, my brother didnt give up. He fought to the very end, and I guess I should too.

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