Moving on

Please please done judge me. I really have nobody else to talk to about this. My husband passed away on last st.Patrick's day. He died from an anaplastic oligodendroglioma, stage 4. It was aggressive and took his like onlky 8 months after had partial tumor removal. He was very very sick. Did t take any chemo or radiation..guess he said it was against God's plan . That he wanted to go see Jesus as soon as possible. (He was suffering greatly, lost all mobil city anss most of his speach) he was on hospice for the last couple months. He was only 36.
Now, my predicament is, I have met someone else. It's been less than 3 months, and I am seeing someone else..months a go, if you would be aslked me if I would ever date or marry again, I would laugh and say never. Just didnt think I couuld find anyone I loved as much as Ben, or care to take care of like i did with Ben. I was exhbausted when he passed. Ben gave me his blessing g in his right mind, that I needed to find someone who would take care of me the way I deserve to be treated, and the way he was unable to for the better part of 5 years. Ben and I were together 9 years, 5 of which, he was sick.
So, after a period of grieving, (though my grieving started a lot farther back, back when I started to have to give him baths, wipe him, feed him....not understand him At all. We hadn't had relations in a couple years. And i was completely faithful.
So, I foun d this guy out of no where, I figure, what's the problem? He will be someone new to talk to. I went Into this thing completely honest and told him i wasnt lookin g for anything serious, im probably incappable of love right now, but I am I interested in getting to know this guy, cause I was FRIGGIN LONELY. So we talk for a bit, I ask him to come over to my house to watch a movie. Things lead to the bedroom, all on my account, cause I was LONELY. I made every move. I've cried on this guy, I've talked to him about Ben, showed him pictures, shared my fears. And this guy has been my angel. I have loads of friends, but they all knew Ben. I have spent every wakingg moment with this guy since we first met. I feel like I'm addicted to him, his closeness. He takes care of me in ways Ben coouldnt . One thing, for instance, he drives. Something so simple. I've been the driver since 2011 ....when Ben had his first seizure and stopped driving. I know I should feel so much guilt for having fun so shortly after bens death. But i don't. I feel like Ben is involved this somehow, cause he knew how hard I took it when he got really bad. Oh, and since I met new guy, I've taken myself off of my anti depressants and valium. By myself. I guessnim just wondering if anyone has done the same thing or something close? I'm not saying it's love here or anything, just finding comfort with someone pretty amazing.

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Permalink Reply by Richard Rivera on June 6, 2017 at 7:08pm
Crystal

The loneliness is powerful and crippling there is no reason to feel any guilt but you will no matter what it's part of the suffering that stays behind but I understand and everyone here does it's scary to be alone .I am alone myself. I have no one. no children, no pets, no friends to keep me company. I just sit outside the building waiting for each day to pass, waiting for when I will be reunited with my beautiful wife Annette.

It's OK to feel lonely and it's OK if you can find some companionship human beings are born to need companionship .

you will never forget your first love you will never forget your ex. he will be with you always no matter who else you are with .
Permalink Reply by Nora on June 7, 2017 at 4:22pm

Dear, Crystal,

Thank you for sharing your news. I understand how hard it was, so you are a very brave woman.

I am on your side and don't listen to anything that somebody says.

I read the story of your life and I can tell how strong you are. I am very sorry that it happened to Ben and  I am sure that he not only suffered for himself, he also suffered for hurting you, for taking life from you. I am 100% sure it was his plan to send you somebody who can bring you back to life.

I am so happy for you. I hope this man is a great person also and he will not hurt you in future.

I know you feel guilt that is why you came here. Well, don't! You ate this pain enough! For so many years! Sending my love and hugs to you. Keep going!

Permalink Reply by Nora on June 7, 2017 at 8:13pm

Love you, Anne!

Permalink Reply by bluebird on June 8, 2017 at 7:04pm

Crystal,

You have to do what you feel is right for you, especially if you feel that your Ben would be ok with it or even was involved in orchestrating it.  Now, your path would not be right for me -- my husband died nearly five years ago, and I never have and never will have any sort of relationship with anyone else, and I don't have even the slightest inclination to do so.  For me, my husband is the only one I will ever love and the only one I ever have or ever will make love with, but that's my path, and that doesn't mean that your path is the same. Each of us has to determine for her/himself the best way to proceed, or to not proceed.

So -- no, I have not done the same thing or anything close, or anything at all. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. I would just caution you that your feelings are probably all still in flux, as three months is very soon (though somewhat mitigated by the fact that you did start grieving quite a long while before he actually died), and it's important to make sure that this guy is actually a good guy, as well as making sure that you don't smother him (only you and he can really determine the way your relationship should be, the way you both want it to be).  Just use caution, is all I'm saying.

Permalink Reply by Felicia Evans on June 24, 2017 at 6:45pm
No judgment here. Take care of you.

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