Mom passed away suddenly

I am Kim, I am 27 years old and my mom passed away suddenly a few weeks ago. She had a heart attack while driving and crashed her car. It was the day after she turned 55. My parents are in Massachusetts and I am in Connecticut, it's about a 2 and a half hour ride which could be worse I guess. I am just having a really hard time coping. I am constantly worried about my dad, my brother lives only a few miles away from him but I don't trust that he will check in on my dad as much as he should. I plan on going up every weekend for at least a few months. I am supposed to get married in April. My mom was so excited, she was constantly doing little things for the wedding. I know she would still want me to have it because she was so excited for it, however I don't want to get married if my mom can't be there. I know I have close family that love me and aunts have already told me that they will help get me ready on my wedding day, but I don't want anyone but my mom to get me ready. I feel like I am being a child about it but I don't care that's all I want. I don't know how to anything without my mom never mind get married. We talked everyday. I am just utterly heartbroken.

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Permalink Reply by Lindsey on November 19, 2019 at 8:49am

Hi, my name is Lindsey. I'm 28 years old and my mom passed away suddenly 7 months ago in April, just 4 days after her 56th birthday due to heart failure. She had just come home from a dinner cruise with her boyfriend celebrating her birthday. Her name was Kim. 

I saw your story and knew is just had to reply to you. Though I do not have a father figure in the picture and I lived only about 15 minutes from her, I just wanted you to know that I get it. I get the pain, the feeling of being lost, the feeling of "what do I do now?".

I want to make sure you know that ITS OK TO NOT BE OK and no matter what anyone may tell you, there is no timeline for grief. Everyone processes different and some take longer than others. The pain will never go away, but you will slowly learn to live with it. My wounds are still very much open and i'm still learning but some things are easier for me now than they were 7 months ago. 

I will also say that I personally think you should still go forward with the wedding (if you're able to). Your mom was so excited for it and I think it would be an opportunity for you to carry on what she was looking forward to and you can still incorporate your mom in your wedding - even though she WILL be there right next to you the whole time. You can save her a seat in the front row with her picture, wrap your bouquet with one of her bracelets/necklaces, have a special toast to her at the reception, etc. While you get ready you can play her favorite songs and have her picture there with you in the room. 

I don't know your mom, and I won't act like I do. All I know is that if my mom passed before I got married, with as excited as she was for it, she would want me to go ahead with it. She wouldn't want me to put my own life on hold because I physically lost her. She would want her baby to carry on and live life to the fullest. 

I truly hope my words were helpful and not hurtful. As someone who is the same age with a similar situation, please message me if you need a friend. 

Permalink Reply by Lindsey on November 19, 2019 at 9:02am

I just saw you posted this is 2016.

Hopefully you're doing better now that some time has passed. I hope you got married and I hope you have been able to cope better over the last few years. I hope things have been better for you and I wish you the best. 

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