I have lost my beautiful sister Tonia on 21/05/2011. She suffered a heart attack at 36 yrs.. She was my sister my best ever mate my real soul mate... we has such a special and close bond - she was living in Greece and I am Singapore she was my lifeline for any trouble worry,advice chat on phone..The call came on my name day when I was celebrating my name day with my 4 yrs old twins and hubby.. I juts could not register - it was so unexpected.. we only had briefly spoken the day before - we could not wait to be linked for summer we were due to go Greece for 3 months on 08 June.. we bothe could not wait... she was so ectastic to see the boys... she adored them in some ways more than myself.. she was the only relative they recognise and would happily stay with.. I could not wait to be withe her and hadn out as I hardly made any friends here in singapore... I could not believe - booked myself the first flight and rushed back to see her...I had not seen her or touched since July 2010.... I did not want to let go of her,,, I am shattered...every day is getting worse and worse.. my beautiful sis gone.. I was hoping that seeing my boys again would cheer me up somehow but I feel even worse knowing that they will never get to known her. I even feel resentful that my husband sister will be their auntie now whereas my beautiful sister who lived for them will not not here or be forgotten..I am alomots envious... sounds silly but cant help feeling so sad when I look at my boys...I miss her so much -- I thought I was coping ok while in greece but now feel like I am breaking down more every day...We are still going back to Greece for summer - need to support our mum and dad who are broken... this summer for which we had so many great plans is now a nightmare.. we had plans to grow old together but I am left alone..she was my best friend.. I never needed to make any firends as I had her... I look at her photos so beautiful fresh alive and cannot accept that she is gone.. for a week while in greece I wanted to rush back in the grave and take her out.. she looked almost alive so fresh so sweet so clam like she was sleeping.. I desperately want to see her in my sleep I want to know she is fine I would do anything for just a day with her to hold her again... I love my To.. sorry about the rant I am just crippled with the longing for her....how can start again to enjoy my little ones to keep at bay my envy towards others...??