Lost the Love of my life.  Went in the hospital with what seemed to be a bad cold... was getting better.. looked like she should get out... got a headache ...everything went bad. lost her 2 weeks later. Feel like I could have and should have stopped it. Could have tried different medicine... should have called for the doctor sooner. should have made her go to the doctor sooner. I got reactive instead of proactive. Feel like I froze. Best person on earth and I couldn't get it right. Like it was our last chance to be happy.. mine and hers.. and I didn't protect her. didn't take care of her. She didn't deserve that. She went through so much. She's supposed to be here. She's supposed to be okay. This wasn't supposed to happen. She's supposed to be okay. She was getting better. How does someone so good and so sweet go through so much. How does this happen. This wasn't supposed to happen.

People keep telling me talk to someone... but they're no help. They don't care. They don't understand. They say the do but they don't.
Counselors seem hit or miss at best even in early conversations.
Wonder... no.. I know some of them are just taking money. Try to tell me
to learn to move on. Move on from what to where? How is that possible? It's not.