Loss of a Spouse

I would love to hear from people who have lost a spouse. Life changed so much. I miss him so much! I feel like I will never be happy again.

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Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on October 1, 2014 at 10:47pm

I don't know how to live with out mine, but for my self / children / and grandchildren I have had to learn real fast, Espicaly my angels I am pretty much the only grandparent they have now. I guess it just takes motivation.

Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on October 1, 2014 at 11:23pm

Amen, I have found that I have to try to be happy go luckie, as my mom is always saying that I was. Now it is a very hard chore but I found that it makes others feel better, which in a way makes me feel a little bit better.

Hope that you find your way back, I know it is so hard.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 2, 2014 at 1:11pm

Exactly, Zell.  My husband and I might never have been able to even afford a house, but we were happy together in our one bedroom apt.  We could have been happy in one room, as long as we were together. Hell, I would rather be homeless with him than live in a mansion without him.

Nothing matters to me, anymore, including my life.

Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on October 3, 2014 at 7:59pm

I am so sorry I wish there was something I could do for you

Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 3, 2014 at 8:20pm

Thank you, but there isn't. There isn't anything even my closest loved ones (parents, sister, brother-in-law) can do for me. The only thing that will ever help me is to be with my husband again.

Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on October 3, 2014 at 7:57pm

My soul and I dreamed of building a house also. Now he is gone I guess my loopsided house will not get done by him (He could do any thing but building) I will not let our dreams go now, I intend to buy land and build the house we wanted (Minuse the leaning) I intend to take my soulmate with me and live in this house so that he knows I did not give up, and I made our dreams come true.

My life will never be what it was with him, but the best I can do is make a life that if he was here he would be proud of.

Sounds like he wanted you to have the house of your dreams (What a wonderful man).. Don't you think you both wanting this house it might give you something to do, and something to dream of...I think you might find a part of your soul mate in your shared dream.....

I hope you the best ... Some times looking out side the box you find unexpected things GOD BLESS

Permalink Reply by Lost & Alone on October 1, 2014 at 11:48pm

Every one will tell you that it gets better with time, I am comming to the belief that it does.... It will never go way completely and to tell the truth I do not want it to. I do want the pain to be barable but never go away.

I will be honest everything I do, I look at it like this.....now would you say or do this if he was here?? ...would he agree or disagree with it? ....would  you do it any way?

My angel would kick my ass (Sorry for the lang) if I did not take care of me, my family, or my friends, and just cause I am in pain, or he is not here does not mean that I can get away without doing these things.... He would let me fail once or twice, but then he would be all over me.

So even though he is not here with me physically I keep him here with me in spirit.. I talk to him, I even yell at him, but I keep him close and every thing I do, I do it just as if he was standing beside me and giving me his very vocal opinion...

 

Being happy has become a chore for me, but I feel that if I am happy about anything than he is going to be also.. espicaly his grandchildren and children. I try to think of thing I do as doing them just for us, so we both can have peace....

This has worked for me to keep me from falling into endless dispare, because if I allow this to drag me under then I allow it to drag him under and that won't happen if I can help it at all.

I want tell you that live does not change because all of it changes, but I will tell you for me that living my life for me also allows me the chance to live for him, to do the things he can no longer do. Yes I will say that dying was a thought process that I went through but I know that my soul mate would have kicked my butt alway back here, and he would never for any reason want that for me so how can I be selfish enough to do that to him, me , or my family??

 

I hope that you will find something to comfort you, and no matter what it is (like arguring with him while out shopping or going to work) if it helps you to deal, try it.... even if people think that I am crazy (Like my co-workers) It helps me....

So I hope you find something that works for you...... God Bless you

 

 

Sorry did not mean to preach .................

Permalink Reply by Pauline Grutzeck Romano on October 2, 2014 at 5:47pm

so many people tell me it doesn't get better. God, I hope and pray that they are wrong.

How could we possibly live the rest of our lives with this pain and sadness..

I pray for all of us who are suffering....

Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 2, 2014 at 6:03pm
I think whether or not it gets better depends upon the person (the one left alive), the nature of the relationship, the length of the relationship, the way the loved one died, etc. I know that for ME, it will never get better -- it CANNOT, when my husband is not here with me. I cannot and will not live with this horrible sadness. If i don't die naturally within a year or so, which would be my preference, then i will take care of it myself
Permalink Reply by Sandi on October 2, 2014 at 11:20pm
I know exactly where you are coming from & my heart aches for you! Everyday I go through the motions & wonder why I bother because all I really want is to be with my husband.if not for being taught as a child that suicide is the one deal breaker that will prevent you from being with your loved one, I would have already done the deal! I won't take the chance of doing something that would destroy my chance of ever being with my husband. The road we are all traveling is straight out of a horror movie which none of us deserve & we can't wake up from. For me each day gets harder despite what people say. All I can do is hope & pray that this torment won't last much longer. My thoughts & prayers are with you!
Permalink Reply by bluebird on October 3, 2014 at 8:27pm

I do not believe that suicide will keep me from being with my husband, but because I don't know for sure, and because it would hurt my family, I have not yet done it. I am definitely not advocating it for anyone else. I will say that if there is a god, and if s/he would keep me from being with my husband if I kill myself, when the reason I will kill myself (if I do) is because I cannot bear to be without my soulmate after that god allowed him to be torn from me, then I have absolutely no use for that evil bastard of a god. No "loving god" would act that way.

Each day gets harder for me, too. I knew it would be this way. My family, especially my Dad, tried to tell me that while this is a horrible blow, and while my life might not ever be the same, I would eventually at least be able to find some joy or enjoyment in life. I told him that was not true -- that my life is over, that it ended the moment my husband died, that I will never want to live and will never enjoy life, that I am just fucking DONE. He still doesn't believe me, but he is wrong.  I am dead. I died two years ago. My body, inexplicably, just hasn't stopped yet.

Permalink Reply by Sandi on October 4, 2014 at 1:23am
Oh Bluebird my heart breaks for you because I know exactly how you feel. We have many similarities & unfortunately they are for a devastating reason. You have been dealing with your horrible loss much longer then I have but your pain is as raw as if it was yesterday!i wish that I could offer you some words of hope but I can't because I don't believe them myself. I keep trying to understand why & I don't because there is no good reason why the loves of our life were taken away. Unlike you I have no family left other then my kids & grandkids. They all have good intentions when they try to encourage me but have figured out there good intentions do not help! Unless you've lived it you can't know that there are no words that mean anything. My DIL & son are keeping me so busy with the triplets I am exhausted. I know they are doing it because they are trying to help me, but in reality they are wearing me down. I adore the triplets & it's harder for them then the rest of the grandkids because we live in an adjoining house & their grandpa & I came home from the hospital with them. The sun rose & set on their heads for my husband. There is so much daily I want to share with him about the kids & I find myself talking to him before I remember he's gone. That always starts a new round of devastation & pain because he's not here. He would be so happy to know what's happening with the kids & would find something special to do with them. Between their sports, acting & taekwondo there is always something going on that I would love to share with him but can't. I'm sorry to be so long winded & if there is anything I can do or say to help you please let me know. Kindest Regards, Sandi

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