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Losing my father to cancer
I lost my dad to cancer on Nov. 10, 2011. My father was 88. My father was so healthy all his life, he retired with 11 mos. sick leave saved up. In 2009, he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer, chemo, radiation (no side effects except for fatigue and a tinny bit of haor loss) the cancer went into remission. Then he was diagnosed early last year with a tumor in the tube connecting the bladder/kidney, to keep the tumor from spreaing, they removed a kidney. Within 4 weeks he was out and driving, going places. At this time he was also diagnosed with prostate cancer and multiple myeloma. The latter was depleting his energy, and he needed blood transfusions every 6-8 weeks. The week before he dies, he was still active, but went into the hopsital with pneumonia, his kidney was shutting down, bleeding internally from the recurrence of esophageal cancer, he desiced no more treatment, he was ready to leave us. He visited his wife, my mom, who is in a nursing home with alzheimers, he told her goodbye before he went to hospice, she was totally unaware. He passed away 3 days later, that was Nov. 10. I have pretty much been in bed ever since. Not working, Ive gained 20 lbs, went from sleeping 12+ hours off and on day and night, to now restless sleep, no more than 4 or 5 hours. Please help me.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Annette Gallagher on
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Terry, I feel your pain. I too lost my beloved Dad to cancer on 6th January this year 2012. Again, like your Dad, my Dad worked hard all his life - retired at 70 and took charge of keeping my Mum and the household chores, everything. He was only diagnosed in July 2011 and was doing fantastically well until pneumonia got the better of him. He went into hospital for chemo on 23rd December 2011 and never came home. Watching his breathing so laboured and waring broke my heart. Mum has issues of her own so until the last day of his life, she hadn't seen him for 2 weeks. He made the most dangerous journey of his life to get to the hospice so he could see Mum. I just feel so proud to have been his daughter. I find a little comfort visiting the cemetery where Dad's ashes were spread - just somewhere i feel he is present because it was his place of rest (i do feel his presence all the time wherever i am). I think he will be proud of me for looking after Mum's affairs.
I too have but shed loads of weight on, don't sleep too good and can cry at the drop of a hat - but i know my Dad loved me then and he loves me still, and that's what gets me through each day. I miss him so much - he was my best friend.
I hope this helps, knowing someone else is exacting your hurt. Your Dad would be proud of you too. Please don't beat yourself up, you know the reasons for your being restless and overweight. Both of which can be remedied when you are ready to do so. Take care... Annette
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Permalink Reply by Terry on
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Thank you so much for writing Annette, and I to am very sorry for your loss. I hopw being with this group helps me and reading your post helps, altho we are suffering together, to read the words you wrote to me means so much, an I appreciate it. How are you doing? Like you, I go to the cemetery where my dad is that is in my home town, 15 mins. from me, because I am closer (my sister is 300 miles away) I will maintain his gravesite. I want to, I already have plans for nice bushes and flowers. I know doing this will help, and I know in my heart he will be happy, as he always maintained his mom and dads, and his mother and father in laws also. Terry
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Terry... for both of us, it's very early days and we are entitled to feel the loss and emptiness we have. The knot in the pit of our stomachs is natural and i'm sure that one day it will unravel to a level where we can think about our Dads without so much pain in our hearts. However we feel, our dad's are watching over us and encouraging us to be strong and live our lives xxx
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Permalink Reply by gina cestodio on
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Hi,
I am new to this online grieving support group. I feel all your pain. My mom
Just died 2 weeks ago. She had lung cancer and died from complications . I had to watch
My mom for 3 days with labored breathing and basically going I to a deep sleep
When we put her on comfort measures. I was very close to my mom. I did everything
I could to be a support to her during her cancer. I have friends that are a huge support
And my dad so I have people who love me but I thought this online support
Group will help me because others are going thru the same thing. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me. If
I can help in any way. I am very sad and need support too ... <3
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Permalink Reply by Kathy S McBee on
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Whew. This hits close to home. Dad died on Nov. 14, 2011. He was healthy and active almost all his life. Pancreatic cancer took him down, at the end, after he tended to my mother during her final bout with a brain tumor. Unlike your father, he had little time and no breaks after his diagnosis. He reacted badly to his first round of chemo and quit treatment. In retrospect, I'm glad he went quickly. He was ready for the end and was the same man to the end.
My dad is where he always wanted to be - by my mother's side. Your dad did what he could to be with your mom. Cancer's a real trip. Been there, done that. Too many times. Each time it's been different. Each time, I've been a caregiver. Stepping from caregiver to grief is a hard passage. From giving until it hurts to no more care to give is hard. Three times in two years leaves a void. Even one seems like too much.
There's a reason you're still here - you and I will discover what that reason is in time. Until then, know that you're not alone. It's just one step at a time - not minutes, hours, or days - just one step. Hang in there.
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