My best friend, told me to write a letter for my son, he died a few months back. And I have to say I felt stupid doing this letter, but it was like a huge pain left my heart, The pain is still there, but I feel better.

Well is my letter to my son Ashton 

" 

Hey Ash this is mommy, who else could it be. Your aunt May told to write this to you, and its what mommy is doing. Mommy is feeling a little stupid because I know you can hear everything I say, even when mom and dad are screaming at each other since you are gone. We do love each other but the pain of losing you its bigger.
Daddy for the first 2 months was not home, he was always working. You know hiding his pain in his work. He felt hopeless because he saves strangers, but he could not save the only person that matter, you.

We still have your bedroom, I can't get inside, because when I do I feel like I still your your giggle when daddy used to tell you his bedtime story. Your cute little giggles and laugh was the most amazing sound in the world, until the day you left us you had it. You never let the pain take you that from you. Sometimes I still stay wake all night because I cant sleep because I remember Aubree's phone call from the hospital telling mommy and daddy to go there because of you.

When we got there, there you were, lying down on that bed, lifeless. I don't know you felt it, but I hold you for the next night. I was holding you in my arms while your breath and life were gone. I cried so bloody hard with your body in my arms, while Daddy was just being daddy. He was not with us, and I remember I screamed at him, because I felt that he didnt cared about you. Since the day you left us mommy and daddy are not the same. Till one day that I got tired of that and I went to talk to him, he told me that he hated himself because he could not save you. He cried. I cried, but we felt better from that rainy tears.

Now a few months after I still feel you in my heart, and in our house, in your Believe me or not I see you in your father, in his stormy grey eyes, and his smile with those beautiful dimples of his. And I feel that someday we will get tru this pain, and we will still love you Ashie, no one loves you more than mommy does. Well baby I hope this letter is good, I know it's pathetic but it makes me feel better.
But the most of all Ashie mommy loves you, and I will always do. I will never forget you, because you are the most important thing in my life.
Love you, Mommy