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Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on October 31, 2015 at 10:04pm

Jean,

You are not alone feeling this way. My mother passed at age 81 in December 2011 and my beloved husband passed at 49 in August 2014. My mother's bedroom continues to remain as it was while she was alive. As for Joseph's things, expect for a few things that I donated to the Salvation Army last year and books that he bequeathed to his nephew, his things are pretty much intact. Somehow I will have to bring myself to sort out his things sometime next spring when I put our house on the market to sell.

People are just different in dealing with death and loss. So what you are doing is the right way for you to mourn and honor your mother's memory. Don't let others question your need for mourning in your own way.

Sending healing vibes your way. Take care,

Trina

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Permalink Reply by Jean on November 1, 2015 at 2:34am

Thank you Trina,

I am sorry your lost your husband at such a young age. Your mother too.

The people I speak of I have know since I was a teenager. I guess people do grow apart over the years. It is just hard to comprehend tossing her whole house less than a week after she passed. It makes me question if I want to continue the friendship. I know this sounds harsh but I just don't get it. We are all supposed to get together soon for an already planned early Thanksgiving dinner and I am not sure I want to go now.

Maybe I need a timeout from all of it. There was no funeral or memorial for their mother either.

That also bothers me. Their mother was good to me. She fed me dinners and made me lunch whenever I was around.

I miss my own mother every waking moment.

I need closure in a traditional way I think.

I place flowers at my parents grave all of the time. It makes me happy to do that for them.

The thought of just blowing off any sort of tribute bothers me enough to question if I want to still remain friends with them.

Jean

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Permalink Reply by Trina Mamoon on November 3, 2015 at 2:51am

I would say anything that makes your uncomfortable, it's best to avoid both situations and people who are linked with the cause of discomfort. As it is, it's extremely difficult for bereaved people like us to face holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries, we don't need any added source of anxiety or aggravation. Take care. -- Trina

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Permalink Reply by Jean on November 3, 2015 at 1:53pm

I think you are right about avoiding the situation.

It is still bothering me to the point I am feeling dragged down/depressed by all of it.

Everyone does grieve in their own way.

I'm just surprised by their lack of empathy towards their own mother.

I wanted to hop in the casket with my mother and go with her. I have a void in my heart that will never be filled. Thank you for your kind responses. Even though it has been over 2 1/2 years since my mother passed the time has not made me feel any better.

I am on AD meds and can now sleep with the aid of a pill from my Dr.

I'm really glad that I found this site.

Everyone has been very kind.

Jean

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Permalink Reply by Jean on November 1, 2015 at 5:02am

Thank you Alice, I have just felt devastated by this. I was very close to the whole family as a teenager. My mother worked to support me after my father died when I was 11 years old. Their father had a great influence on my career path and he was a nice man. They don't even visit his grave site. He died at an early age in his 50's. There are times I wish I had never met them and feel sad for feeling that way. Things are just different now. I spent a lot of time with my own mother and so glad that I did. She was the love of my life.

People change.

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