IM LOST.......

i cant believe im here talking about my husbands death..is going to be 5 months soon, n still i dont want to accept this reality.. at times i seem to forget or maybe i want to believe hes at work... i just dont know anymore.. i just know i miss him so much.. i keep breaking my head ..thinking of ways of getting him back but really theres nothing i can do .. i lost him forever.. i feel like i wasnt meant to be happy,just because i fought for him .. i went thru alot to just loose him at the end, what happend to my happy ending???  everything that i always wanted is now gone,... my dreams are broken.. why??? why me??? i loved him with all that i was .... i just dont see a future for me,... all that made me happy in life was having a family... how can i be strong when i see my 2 little ones crying for him,asking me where he is.. i dont understand i could never be a mom n a dad for my kids what was god thinking???..  i dont know how im living with a hole in my heart.. someone tell me.... i just want to give up ...

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0br5ye33oxninPermalink Reply by 0br5ye33oxnin on November 15, 2011 at 9:09pm

I am so happy you found the watch and ring.    Now it is the little things that really count, isn't it?  His clothes are still in the closet and in the dresser.  Can't seem to get to the point where I can box the stuff up.  As a matter of fact, I can't seem to put anything way.  I went to the mall and bought some stuff and it is still piled on the kitchen table.  I don't seem to care . . . I sure hope this ends soon cause I don't like to see the stuff all on the table.  So I should put it away, huh?  Nope, not there yet.  Gotta get my act together soon - my neice is coming to visit from NY over Thanksgiving.  I gotta get the house together. . . .Our anniversary is next Wednesday - our 37th anniversary.  It is really gonna be a lonely one. 

Permalink Reply by Blue Eyes Crying on November 16, 2011 at 8:12am

Oh, Adriana. I feel everything you do. I have no kids. My David was everything in the world to me and now there is nothing. I am so lonely. I try to believe he's at work too, and will be home soon. Today is the anniversary of the date he went to work the last time, left at noon and went into the hospital. I don't understand either. I wish someone could telll me what to do.

0br5ye33oxninPermalink Reply by 0br5ye33oxnin on November 16, 2011 at 7:40pm

I know what you mean. . . we didn't have any children either.  I'm lucky that I have my cousins close by, my friends and most of all my two dogs.  I love them so much. . . they give me so much comfort.

Permalink Reply by Sandy G on November 18, 2011 at 9:35am

Adriana, and the others who have posted,

I am very sorry for all of your losses. It is 9 months now since Ken died. We were off and on for a little more than 3 years. I am lonely without him. No one seems to understand, even a widow friend I have. I miss his blue eyes, his smile, his laugh, and his big hugs. It is getting a little easier with time, but I am still grieving. I am very grateful for the time that we did have together and thank God for his being in my life. I know he is happy and well where he is and I have felt him near me at times. I know he loves me and always will.

I am trying now to pick myself up and do some of the things I need to for me as far as work and fixing up my house. I feel he would want me to be happy again, though I cannot imagine never missing him. I think of him as soon as I wake up every day and talk to him then and when I go to bed at night.

Blessings to you all

Sandy

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