Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by anna l. on January 5, 2012 at 1:18pm

Oh Amanda, learning to live without our husbands is so hard.  I was going to post last night asking when would I stop thinking every truck coming onto my street was my husband coming home.  It has been 6 months since he died.  8 months since he last drove his truck and yet my mind still expects the truck I hear to be him!  Sometimes now I can hear it, and think it without breaking down and sobbing, but not always and last night was a sobbing night.  I just wish those instant thoughts that he is home would end because they cause such unneeded extra pain.  I feel your pain too Amanda, it is just so darn hard!!!

 

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Permalink Reply by Annette Dominguez on January 6, 2012 at 10:22am

I am in the same boat. I make myself get up in the morning. I work from home so I can stay in my PJ's for awhile. But it is so hard to look towards the future still. I don't know when I will feel truly happy again. I constantly have this underlying sadness in me. I know I can reach out to people to talk but if they have not lost a husband or wife they really don't know the pain and heartache. I just don't know what to do sometimes. I just cry and cry. I miss my husband so much even after a year. It is just too much but I have to be here for my kids. I know they need me and they love me but it is not that same as a husbands love.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on January 6, 2012 at 10:57am

Thank You All for Replying.

It is such a difficult chapter in our lives. Although, we are sorrounded by love from our children, & other closed siblings and friends, our husband's love and affection is non-replasable. Its a different kind of love. Its the love that causes you to become excited, your heart pounding, butterflies in your stomach. You feel protected, loved, cared and secured. And no matter how difficult things get, at the end of the day you have a husband to lean on for support, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold.

I find it difficult adapting to this new life as a widow, single mother. Yesterday, i went outside to buy my son an ice cream (its about 81 degrees out here in CA) and I seen my neighboors who are in their mid 50"s, walking out towards the ice cream truck, holding hands!!. I felt happy for them but sad for me. That could it been my husband and I too, but all of the future was cut short and taken away from me.

Thanks for Reading,

Amanda

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Permalink Reply by G. on January 27, 2012 at 8:45am

I'm finding that I too am feeling zero motivation. I've had some days that are better than others but now as I'm under extreme pressure I feel like doing nothing. I Applied for a job almost right away for a job that I thought I would get right away and it made me feel productive but day after day I received no call back and so I have slipped into a state of escape where I just want to watch things on tv to distract me. I know it's not good but I just can't find the motivation. I also cant sleep properly. With my loss I often think of the person is on a vacation and that will be home again one day but of course that's not going to happen. Have you considered going to a doctor? I've been thinking that maybe I should because I can't seem to function but then again we have to give ourselves time to grieve. Hope things get better for you.

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Permalink Reply by Amanda Ab on January 27, 2012 at 11:03am

Hi G. Thank you for replying and sorry for your loss. Presurre, Stress, plus Grief are not a good combination. They are all overwhelming and you just feel like giving up hope and that thing will never get any better but just worse.

I have seen my doctor and have been attending weekly therapy sessions with psycologist since my husband's passing. I have also taken medication for anxiety and insomnia. It helps but just for a bit. At the end of the day all of the grief is only ours and we are the only ones that can try to cope with it.  As time goes by it just gets harder and harder.

Have you sought legal advice regarding your case? I hope everything turns out the best for you. I just cant believe how people can be so evil to their own family and just take advantage of any situation.

Take Care,

Amanda

 

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Permalink Reply by G. on January 27, 2012 at 5:06pm

Amanda I have and they say there is no way they can change what's in there as well that I should take my time going through the paperwork. I would like to see a doctor because I too have very bad insomnia but just again don't feel like reliving the whole thing and sitting in a waiting room for hours.m I'm taking some over the counter stuff but it doesn't work very well. Congratulations on seeing someone about this. I think that's a smart thing to do. I wish you well.

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