how do u Grief a father who has been murder

i am new to this and the one thing i hate doing is geting help. my dad was murder May 8 2010 well june 14 2010 is when i found out i have been sleeping i have been smokeing alot. feel i had no time to grief becuese i went back to school the 2nd day i found out he died.  i thought my best friend would be support what she not i am blam my sefl for his murder becuese i did see him often i saw him 2mouths before he die but it seem like is was fine he aslo movied

 

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