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Permalink Reply by Bridget Doyle on March 24, 2012 at 8:32am

Hi Melissa,

Thank you for sharing your story, I am very sorry for your loss.

To answer your question, I think it is normal to feel unable to be alone after a loss. You are very lucky to have a supportive place to go during this time- this is very important. I went through the same feelings after my loss, and was lucky enough to have someone who could help take care of me.

Right now, it is okay to need people for support. Just focus on healing, and know that others do want to help.

We can gather strength from each other in these times, and carry that strength through to our day-to-day lives.

Be strong, I hope this helps you today <3 We're all here for you

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Permalink Reply by Sharon Barfield Traylor on April 1, 2012 at 9:43am

Yes, Melissa, it's very normal.  You lost your mother January 7th and I lost mine January 27,  My son (who's now in college), mother, daddy & myself all lived together.  Now it's just me and I miss everyone so much.  You are the only other person I've met who attaches memories to items & places.  It makes it challenging when you have to go through your mother's things and decide what to do with what. Matt, my son helped me and perhaps your boyfriend can help you.  Let him know how you feel and I'm certain he'll understand.  I'm an only child so it's not like I can contact siblings and probably watch them get in fights over everything!  It's going to take a while to recover from losing your mother.  There is a Christian based seminar that you can attend called "Grief Share".  Their website is griefshare.org.  You can find a church or a location where the classes are held and can attend anytime.  They have a workbook, I think you can purchase it on line at their site, which is very helpful, too.  It's good to communicate with people who are going through the loss of a loved one.  My mother taught me to show someone you love them while they are alive.  It sounds like that is exactly what you have accomplished and your mother has your love in her heart, just as you have hers in yours.  

Feel free to contact me if you'd like and keep in touch now and then.  You've experienced a huge loss and it's going to take a while to adjust to it.

Take Care

Sharon Traylor

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Permalink Reply by Mark on April 1, 2012 at 5:50pm

I'm so sorry for you loss Melissa.  I lost my mom Dec 14th 2011.  It's a unique situation.   I was a miracle child.  My mom was severly handicaped.  My entire life I was her arms and legs.  We faced lifes challenges together.  Suddenly last March she became ill and was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.  The following 9 months were a journey into hell.  I can't believe after all she'd been through she'd have to endure additional hell and be taken so gruesomely.  My response to her death has been the opposite to yours.  I don't like being around anyone.  I have a lifetime of emotions I'm trying to deal with.  I'm in shock I stood next to an individual who was kicked around in life.   I function in that I work, shop, pay bills, come home and want to be left alone.  I hate when the phone rings because most of the times people either say stupid stuff or avoid any thing related to my loss.  I wonder if there is something wrong with me for not wanting to be around people?  I find it exhaustive trying to fake feeling happy in front of someone to assure them I'm doing ok.  There are certain places I won't go.  I don't even look at the pharmacy that I use to get moms meds at.  I shop at odd hours to avoid running into anyone that I'd know.  I hate the void her absence has created but I think I've rationalized no one can fill it.

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