Grief & Loved Ones

Hi Guys,

Having a pretty rough few weeks :/ I thought after Christmas and my mum's birthday things would start to feel better but right now everything is in turmoil.

I'm finding it really difficult to handle my relationships at the moment and was wondering if anyone else was having the same problem.

It hasn't been a year yet since Mum died and I'm finding myself so insecure with my other loved ones. Especially my boyfriend. We've been together over 3 years and he's stuck by my side throughout my mum's illness. Lately I'm irrationally insecure... for example I feel he doesn't tell me he loves me enough.. when really he usually tells me about once a day. If he takes a while to reply to one of my messages during the week I'm convinced I'm annoying him, when really he's just busy at work and I can't expect his undivided attention all day. I feel that he's going to leave me, whilst we're snuggled up watching a movie, cuddling. I'm in tears as I type because I feel so strongly about this.

And apart from him I feel insecure in general with people. I feel like a burden, like my grief will drive people away because they don't understand just how hard this is. And the more I cry or explain I'm upset to these people, the more insecure I feel.

My Dad was always leaving the house and coming back when I was growing up and my Mum meant so much to me, she was such a wonderful woman, my best friend. I think these insecurities stem from firstly having a father who came and went as he pleased, and now losing the most important person in my life. I feel so vulnerable and lost and I don't know what to do.

Please help - please tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way.

K.T

Tags: insecurity, relationships

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Permalink Reply by Cassi on February 6, 2012 at 7:03am

WOW!! It is exactly what I'm going through now! Me and My grandma was very close and she passed away suddenly last year in July... bit more than a month later my bf was in a car accident. Almost lost him as well, but he is alive and doing great. I have also been struggling with the same feelings.. I to, feel like a burden to most people and sometimes I take it out on the ones closest to me, especially my bf. I know I cannot have is undivided attention, that he to is busy, I know that he loves me very much and cares for me very much, so what you are feeling with your bf and in general with people, I am feeling to... I know it is all about missing my gran SO MUCH, wishing that I didn't have to deal with her not being here anymore and I really want to the place where I feel myself again! So you are not alone, and neither am I!

Permalink Reply by Bridget Doyle on March 17, 2012 at 10:42am

Thank you K.T. and Cassie for sharing your feelings. You are speaking directly to my soul!

I also lost someone very close to me; my very best friend who was always there for me growing up. Since then I have tried to stay busy and talk about my feelings, but as it has been over a year I now am feeling guilty that I'm not better yet.

Just like you talked about, I find myself insecure about silly things, things that should never be second-guessed. I sometimes wonder why people continue to try and be my friend when I don't feel very friendly at all.

I suppose that's the catch- remembering that our loved ones will always be there for us and love us, no matter what. It's hard to see that when you are so hard on yourself.

Everyone is human, so don't be hard on yourself or on your bf. Remember that the people who care for us do so for a reason, and it's not because they pity us. We do so because we want to help others be happy and succeed. Just look- your discussion topic helped at least two other people get in touch with their own insecurities.

You are never alone, especially here. We understand your pain and you can talk to us <3

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