Today its 3 weeks since my beloved mum passed away. She was the kindest, most amazing mum and the greatest human being I know. I' m in a state of shock, sorrow and disbelief.My biggest fear was losing her and now this fear is a reality. She endured suffering, ill health , hardships all her life yet was always optimistic, smiling and strong. I learnt grace and dignity from her. This loss is too heartbreaking and painful. I was a great daughter to her but yet I feel guilty . Guilty that I couldnt get married while she was alive, guilty that her last days in the hospital she felt isolated and lonely. The hospital was a nightmare. Cavalier nurses, callous, arrogant doctors. I'm from India and doctors here think they are God. There is a lot of anger and pain in my heart that mum felt alone in her last days. We her family fought to be by her side with the hospital authorities but they were awful. Mum was hurting and we couldnt soothe her, comfort her. This eats me up inside. How do i overcome this guilt? How do i beg for her forgiveness? The most important person in my life has gone. Now theres nothing but pain and this humungous void which nothing can fill. She was the greatest love of my life, the best mother ever. Pain is killing me. Somebody help.