Ever be happy again?

I am new to this online support thing but had a realization today & really don't know who to share it with. I've had multiple losses from car accident to cancer to suicide. I was a widow the year I turned 40, since then I've lost both my brothers, dad, close friend & a nephew. Prior to turning 40 I lost my mom, mil, bil & 17 year old niece. As I drudged through another morning today of wondering when/if I will find spark in my life again, I realized that I was very happy once. Life was good. Family gatherings, wonderful husband, great job come to mind. I still have a great job & have moved to another state with my remaining sibling. After my recollection of my former happiness, I realized maybe I don't WANT to be happy again...I was once & it was all taken from me.

ive now typed several thoughts & deleted them, I guess I just wanted to share these thoughts & be heard. Thanks for "listening".

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Permalink Reply by morgan on May 20, 2016 at 1:30pm

Becky,  WIsh you hadn't deleted the other thoughts because the ones you left for us to read were perfect.  I think there is a lot to be said for not wanting to be happy again.  I feel like that a lot.  I am protecting myself because I cannot stand loss or hurt so its just become easier to isolate myself.  I simply cannot take the pain it entails.  It also is why I feel ready, willing and welcoming for my own death.  I had a happy life.  I was in love and loved.  I really don't need anything else now.  Its really that simple.

thanks for sharing.  

Permalink Reply by bluebird on May 20, 2016 at 7:52pm

I know what you mean; I feel much as you and morgan do.

Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on May 22, 2016 at 4:17pm

dont no im 2 mest up 

Permalink Reply by HollowHeart on May 24, 2016 at 2:51pm

You have suffered tremendous loss and trauma and it's no surprise you feel this way. Genuine happiness will not come easy to you--if it comes again at all. I do the same as you, I think back to the "good times" and realized how I had no real problems in my life. Most were solvable and I was happy. After losing my sister, my world has shattered and I'm still numb to her absence. I'm still in shock and can't believe it.

I say that I don't WANT to be happy again either, but it's because I will never be happy like that again. There will be no genuine, true happiness. I would have to rewind my life, and if only I could do that! If only worm holes existed!

I'm glad you shared with us, and I'm sorry for all your losses. I'm glad you have a sibling left available to you.

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