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Permalink Reply by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on July 20, 2011 at 6:29am

Anne- you so are not alone. We all feel like you. You are just starting this PROCESS. This is something you are going to feel forever.It's been 1 year and almost 4 months since my brother died of brain cancer. We were in NYU, a top hospital, where they supposedly know what there doing. Believe me, I too have horror stories that I still replay over and over. I also felt very alone until I joined this site and slowly started to reliaze that we all went through it.Bad nurses , Bad doctors. They say you have a right to question the dr's, but from my experience, you really don't have that right. There is no way around the numbness and the ANGER is overwhelming and just know that everyone on this site is here for you. I feel like we were all robbed, our loved ones were murdered by cancer. We had to watch unbelieveable horrors. My brother died in 3 months, start to finish..He couldn't talk or move, they make horror movies about that, and I had to live it and watch it and be completely helpless. I'm a fixer and I couldn't fix this. Stick with us!

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Permalink Reply by Anne Delina Johnson on July 20, 2011 at 12:47pm

Wow, thank you barbra. It's so hard after having to be the one, to call her Parents, because I didn't have health proxy rights, and tell them they had to get to the hospital, that she had just coded. A phone call I never thought I'd make.

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Permalink Reply by Victoria Noe on August 1, 2011 at 12:07pm

Anne, my condolences on your loss. So many people don't understand what you go through when you lose a friend.

My dear friend, Delle Chatman, died almost 5 years ago from ovarian cancer, after a 4-year fight. She made me promise I'd write a book about people whose friends have died, and that's what I'm doing. I started out doing it for her, to keep my promise (and make sure she didn't haunt me about it). ;)

But it's become a real mission now, because there's so little out there just for this situation. Eventually everyone will have your experience. My only advice is to find a place to get support. Look online, look at local hospices, hospitals, cancer organizations (like Gilda's Club). Ask if they have general bereavement groups (trust me, they won't have one just for friends). But reach out, and find those who can help you get the support you need. Journaling helps, too. So does finding a way to honor their memory.

And remember you're among friends. :)

 

Viki

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Permalink Reply by Anne Delina Johnson on August 1, 2011 at 8:24pm

Thank you Viki best of luck on your book.

 

I just mailed my story i've been working on for 10 years to my favorite band.

 

It's posted here:

http://souljerseyangel.blogspot.com/

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