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Permalink Reply by Avi on June 4, 2018 at 9:29am

I do not believe so Virginia. Daylight is for everybody inckuding mme and you who are in grief for their mother's loss. 

It is a time when you can hear to people, talk to people and share their grief and sorrow.

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Permalink Reply by bluebird on June 10, 2018 at 5:43pm

I feel as though life is for happy people, and I don't belong in it. They are in one world, the "real" world, and I am in some dark alternative reality. This world literally does not feel real to me anymore; I am no longer a part of it.

To a lesser extent, I feel as you do about day and night, except I don't want to talk to anyone at either time. in your case, if you do want to talk to people during the night, I think there are a couple of options. If you have any family or friends who you know are night owls who would be awake when you need to talk, you could speak to them during the day one day and ask them if it would be ok for you to call them at night now and then, when you need to talk (and find out what is the latest it would be ok to call them).  If that isn't an option, then maybe you could find some sort of grief counseling line that is staffed at night; failing that, you could always try calling a suicide helpline (even if you aren't suicidal, maybe they could help).

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Permalink Reply by Virginia G on June 11, 2018 at 8:24am

Bluebird,

I used to be a night owl, my Mom and I would watch tv until very late.  Now I’m afraid to even watch it.  I have been sleeping more and more but that doesn’t even feel good.  I feel exactly as you do about life and the world.  Nothing makes sense, I don’t know why I’m here, I can’t live like this.

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Permalink Reply by Britt Steele on June 24, 2018 at 9:46pm

Virginia,

I thought of some things, but I wanted to ask you some stuff, without making any presumptions.  Do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy like what you are seeing of the people you are seeing during the day?  Do you feel you can't enjoy life, and cope with some difficulties, and be happy?  I feel happiness can come in many forms, from seeing others happy, having hope for a good life, healing from pain, and more.  I agree having a compassionate friend to speak with can be so helpful, and keeping in thoughts that we all have responsibilities to ourselves and can also care about others will make that relationship that much more helpful.  I think resources such as reading helpful literature that is honest and relatable, helpful artistic expression, and more, can also make healing easier, and living happier

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Permalink Reply by Britt Steele on June 24, 2018 at 10:14pm

Hey, I read your post.  I think I've gone through some of what you've felt.  Why do you feel as if you shouldn't live a happy life?  Have you removed yourself from some aspects of the reality of life to dull yourself of pain, and avoid some possible difficulties on your road to recovery?  Maybe handling things at the right pace, and as I think you may understand, seeking and utilizing the optimal means of support will be the best methodology in living a happy, enjoyable life.  Another area of thought is I'm not stating that you do feel resentful, or should feel resentful.  A question with and  an answer that may apply to you, or may possibly apply to other readers, is that if there is pain due to past difficulties in your life, and causing resentment of the happiness of yourself and others, why let it harm the happiness of your life and the happiness of other people?  This may be helpful to you, or possibly other readers: I've learned that I can be happy, others can be happy, I and others can be happy, and we can be happy together.  There happiness should not cause my pain, or cause me enjoying living life to relent.  I feel you haven't left and aren't leaving life, and much of it is learning and healing

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Permalink Reply by Virginia G on June 25, 2018 at 12:27am

Britt,

I think I am more jealous when I see other people, in particular families, because I don’t have mine now.  My world is upside down and I dont belong in it now.  I don’t feel as though I deserve to be happy because I have so much guilt.  And when I think of how my Mom suffered and what happened, I think it should have been me instead and that I should suffer too.

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Permalink Reply by Britt Steele on June 25, 2018 at 7:28pm

Virginia,

I appreciate the reply.  I've understood feelings of jealousy.  Are you having feelings of numbness relevant to society?  Are you feeling a desire to withdraw from it?  I'd like to have a good understanding of how you're feeling.  I don't like the thought of living things suffering, and I feel you deserve to enjoy life, without suffering

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