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Permalink Reply by Brittany Goodfellow on September 20, 2013 at 12:00pm

I know the proper thing to say would be, "I am so sorry for your loss". Unfortunately, as polite as these words are, they are just words. I did not know your mother, but I do know your agony. I lost my father on February 12th, 2013. He was 42 years old. He developed a very rare form of cancer and died two years after his initial diagnoses. I was a new graduate from university with my entire life in front of me. I had just a baby boy and he was about to turn 3 months old. My partner and I embarked on our journey across the country to start our new life. I felt sick with guilt for taking our son away from his family, but we had to start a life for ourselves, and there was nothing for us where we came from. The last time my father saw his only grandchild, he was 3 months old. His sickness made him a very sad, angry man. But the second he saw our baby his eyes would light up and he wouldn't be able to put him down...he loved him so much it was out of this world. 

Three weeks after we moved, I received the phone call from my sister saying I had to fly home, alone, and immediately. My dad was in the hospital. His cancer was everywhere. I spent 3 days at the foot of his bed, witnessing GI bleeds, the life momentarily leave his eyes and during those three days I literally felt like I was looking through the doors of hell. He died in the morning of the third day, with all of us in the room with him. 

After his death, I had to fly home, across the country, absolutely sick with grief. I had to take care of my 3 month old baby who was extremely demanding. There was no time to properly grieve. I felt like my entire life had ended. But I had to go on for my son.

I am just now starting to recover from it all. That being said, last Sunday my best friend, my cat Odis, was struck and killed by a car. My beloved best friend and animal companion who has been by my side for the past 7 years died alone in the street. I curled up in a ball and screamed at the universe for allowing these things to happen. I am only 23 years old and I feel like my life has ended before it has even started.

I am sorry for your mothers death. But just know you are definitely not alone with your grief.

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