So today I  wanted to go to my dad's cemetary and put flags and flowers by his grave site to honor memorial day. He served on the USS Carl Vincent. The cemetary was so pretty, thousands of huge flags throughout the whole park, its a pretty big cemetary so it was pretty neat. People were stopping in to take pictures and as I drove in my smile of how beautiful it looked turned to tears. Why in the world should I be putting flowers and flags down to honor my 47 year old father. It just didnt seem fair. Tomorrow will be 4 months since my dad passed and still he has no name marker yet. As I look down to grass and my flowers I just cry and cry knowing that my dad is below me literally 5 feet away but no matter what I wont be able to ever see him, touch him or talk to him again. When I left the park I went to the gas station to pump gas, I put my sun glasses on so the clerk couldnt tell I was crying. When I went up to pay he said to me why you look so serious, cheer up. I said I just left the cemetary and I couldnt help it just started crying, balling my eyes out with people standing behind me. I kept going, my dad passed 4 months ago and my mom 2 months ago so its not a good life for me. He looked shocked/sad and said oh my gosh im so sorry I said anything. I just left out my tears became a rainfall and words couldnt come out anymore. Days to celebrate loved ones just suck. Its just a constant reminder of what you dont have no more. My dad's 48th birthday is coming June 12 and then father's day. Even tho it wont stop me from crying everyday I just need a break of these holidays. It was so hard to go through Mother's Day with my mom passing a month prior. :( Just want them back :(