Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on November 26, 2011 at 9:08am

You don't have to find acceptance. When my husband of 20 walked out the door stating he wanted a new life with a skinny girl...I thought my world was over. I read this and it made me have the tools to move on and live..."You don't have to stop loving someone...you just have to learn to live without them". I have no family to count on anymore. It is just me and the friends I have been making along my journey alone. I find comfort in my job in animal rescue. Love Sue

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Grace on November 26, 2011 at 9:11am

your right Sue.... Who says we have to "Find Acceptance"?   We are where we are in our grief....  it is a long road and It leads to different places..... and there really is never an ending point.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Sue Waxman on November 26, 2011 at 9:17am

Thats exactly how I feel. I do not have to accept anything. Reality ...I know mother is no longer alive. Do I have to accept it. No. Do I have to accept my X-husband is an asshole. Yes...that I can accept. Love Sue

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Mariann Bamberger on November 26, 2011 at 10:57am

Sue, I totally agree. My mood swings are part of the process. I've reached the stage of just getting things done. I have to.

I can no longer "mourn" the way some people would think I should do. I have to look out for my future, as no one else will.

I also have no family and very few friends (who care). I'm unemployed and cannot afford this house even in the best of times. I need to move on and am very impatient with the slow legal process.  If I could snap my fingers and have everything done, I'd do it. I want the house sold, everything packed, a job, an apartment and a life. I'm angry that I was left with no life insurance, just a lot of debt and no directions. I need tangible help more than anything, more than grief counseling. I need someone to guide me through these processes that I'm unfamiliar with. I need someone to haul the bags of mulch to the back of the house. I need someone to come in and take charge, get it done. I'm tired of muddling through this uncharted territory.  I'm tired of making decisions, not even sure if they are correct. I'm tired of waking up at night worrying about money, where I will live, and if I can even get a job, being 57 years old and haven't worked since early 2009. Yes, I miss him. But I'm just worried that I'll be on the street if something doesn't change...quickly. How do you even "know" if you've accepted a death?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Kim Cady on November 26, 2011 at 6:14pm

You will be on the street if you don't constantly work on getting yourself out of the predictment you're in. I watched my father for 7 years. He had Alzhmeirer's, cancer and was deaf. I never knew him before I started his caretaking. It was good to get to know him. I had a house, I worked with my ex from the house. My father died July 2009 of lung cancer... actually an infection gotten in the hospital.... not much preparation.. he had bladder cancer, I never thought he'd die... then my house went up for foreclosure. I could've sold it, but for way less and I was in total shock of losing my father. My ex of 20 years moved home, he started seeing someone else, and stopped talking to me. I found out through a 3rd party that the man I loved more than anything in the world died of a heart attack and stroke. His family never talks to me. I have no familiy. I lost my house. Moved back up North after old friends said to come back. (I'm in TN)... they were seriously horrible to me. I ended up sharing a duplex with a man who I had to call the police on twice. I found out he committed suicide this summer - a very ill man. Moved to another place... again bad timing. I had 9 cats and 1 dog moving with me. One day I put everything in storage and drove 15 hours back to Nashville, the only home I knew for 20 years. I'm 58 had no job. I had a panic attack 3 times that put me in the ER, they took me in because my BP was 200+ / 95+. But, nothing was wrong, it was a severe panic attack. When I backed into a wall in my car, after a job interview... I knew I needed help. I was almost on the street. My cousins, my friends where nowhere to be found. I said I have to keep these babies (the only creatures that cared) out of the shelter. So, I worked temps... call center. Then I finally, after two lay offs, found a very good job. I live in a little apartment which is quite enough for  now. One cousin has helped me lately, and some friends did too. I still cry everyday... I know I'm damaged from all this, but, I'm going to make it... and you will too.

• ▶ Reply