huff :( xxx

today is my best friend/big sisters daughters birthday... shes 2 already... and her mummy alex has been gone for over a year and a half... time goes so quickly.. the past six months ive been trying to be strong, but tonight ive just broken down and cant stop crying.. i hate talking bout my feelings, i should be able to tell the people i lovehow i feel, so they can be here for me, and tell me everythings going to be ok... but i hate feeling like im burdening other people, they shudnt have to listen to me. i dunno what to do, i told my boyfriend tonight how im feeling, which helped so much, but it just made me cry even more. life is so unfair, alex didnt even get to see her daughters 1st birthday, and i think that adds to what makes it so hard, she wanted a baby so so so so bad, and when her beautiful daughter finally came along, alex spent alot of the time in hospital havin chemo for luekemia. how is that fair? its not fair, life is not fair. i want my big sister back. so so so so bad:(

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Permalink Reply by Diana, Grief Recovery Coach on May 22, 2009 at 10:06pm
No, it's not fair and it's ok to cry. It's ok to share and break down. I wish you peace and love and lots of (((((hugs))))).
Permalink Reply by Katherine Ellis on May 23, 2009 at 7:52am
I am so sorry for your loss. I bet you have heard that a million times since you lost your sister. My daughter and son lost their sister, our daughter so I know of some your pain Ciara. No, life isn't fair nor easy but it's all we have Alex will need you to tell her stories of her Mommy and keep her alive for her. She may not have a Mom now but she has a beautiful Aunt to love her. I hope finding this webset will help you heal some. Its a good place to turn to when you are feeling alone and need a friendly word. We are all here for you. God Bless. (((HUGS)) Kathering
Permalink Reply by ciara on May 23, 2009 at 7:23pm
thank you for your words... she was my best friend but was like my sister, not the other way round, i only knew her for 3yrs, but she was the person i told everything to, when things were going wrong or i was down id talk to her, and she'd always say the right thing, she had a baby 7yrs ago called ahsley and he died when he was 3days old. she told me the yr before she died that she wished i was there when ashley died coz i wud have been so good for her, coz she used to say id always say the right thing, and i always made everything ok. and she called me her little star. and to know im never gonna see here again is so so hard, i hate it, i will go on this site more rather than keeping my feelins in... thank you both for your words again. im returning the hugs to you both, xxxx
Permalink Reply by e d on May 28, 2009 at 11:56am
*hugs* I want to let you know that your feelings are SO legitimate! I know that people telling me it was ok to feel how I was feeling has helped me SO much!

Talking can often bring tears, but usually those tears bring healing, though not immediately.
\
Much Love,
Emily
Permalink Reply by healing07 on July 3, 2009 at 6:37am
First, I m very sorry for your loss. I think its ok to cry because when we lost our loved one, its so painful to us. So its not fair, you should cry for relief your pain. I know the pain of death because I lost my uncle 3 years ago.
You should trying to deal with your grief.
My deep condolences for you and may your loved one rest in peace. God Bless you.
((((((((((((HUGS FOR YOU))))))))))))))

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