Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by britt b on January 6, 2018 at 11:20am

How did your wife come to you Jon-Paul? Did you have a visitation...?

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 6, 2018 at 1:38pm

Yes. She came to me as I was in trance.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 12:18pm

I am also interested in how your wife came to you. Did you actually see and/or hear her?

My husband died 5 years ago. I will never not be sad, and if god or the universe doesn't see fit to reverse this horrible mistake it has made and restore him to me, then all I want is to die and be with him (if there is an afterlife; if not, then I still want to die and be done with this existence and this pain). Like you, I will never "move on" -- there is no moving on from this kind of loss, not for me, and it's not something I would ever want to do anyway. I also find that most people don't understand that, but what they think about this is irrelevant to me. 

I do want to thank you for starting your "Lost My Spouse" thread, as that is the main place where I post on this site.

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 6, 2018 at 1:40pm

I have and will continue to chase Her from life to life. While in this life I have to find Her in other's,  as we're all connected. I also have children from Her that I homeschool and tend to very closely with much reverence. You're still here for a reason. Find that reason.

Permalink Reply by morgan on January 6, 2018 at 6:21pm

Jon,  Thank you and I keep wishing I could find that reason but it has eluded me.  Those were the words I used pretty much from the first day after my husband died and the psychiatrists/counselors were lining up at the behest of a family member who wanted to help fix me. I told each one of them......I was looking for a reason.  And no reason has emerged. He was my reason.  I've pushed forward thinking I need to live.  Soon it will be five years.  I"m not sure that reason is the answer.  And yet it is the only thing that I seek that I believe has any bearing on sticking around.  I'm glad you found yours.  

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 7, 2018 at 10:18am

I'm saddened by your amount of suffering. I can't imagine if I passed and She was left to feel this suffering. I'm sorry. I wish I could be there to love you guys the way you need. You have to find a reason. It was and will always be about my Wife. I use the kids as my reason. Please find something; this site, a child who is suffering the loss of a parent or even both parents. Our pain is valuable to others as twisted as it sounds.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 6:39pm

It's good that you have the children you share.

I appreciate your good intent, but for me, there is no reason to be here. I love my family dearly (parents, sister, brother-in-law), but that is not enough to make a life, at least not for me. My life ended the moment my husband died.

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 7, 2018 at 10:20am

Mine too my dear. But I had to make the choice to live a life to honor Her and somehow be the man She loves. I wish I could be there for you. I feel the intensity of your suffering. 

Permalink Reply by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 7, 2018 at 5:56pm

A life of Love 

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on January 6, 2018 at 1:48pm

Bluebird,

My thoughts exactly.

Permalink Reply by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 6:41pm

((((hugs))))

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on January 8, 2018 at 5:52am