I think I am descending into a scary place lately. I have started laying in bed and contemplating all the ways I could end this misery, loneliness, and sadness.
I started looking in the medicine cabinet to see if I had something that I could take and just lie down, go to sleep, and end this ongoing, daily pain. I keep thinking that each day is so senseless and had no goal - why should I be made to go on like this day after day. Life is precious when you have a soulmate, when you are content and loved, when you are content and happy, and when you have love in it. Now it seems like a prison - solitary confinement. Even when I am "let out of the confinement" people around me have no meaning. I pretend to be part of life, but it is like I am a robot.
Hopefully, something will give me some reason or will to go on. I am just having a very bad week. I am trying to pull out of it.