Holidays Again

Well, here I go again, my fourth year without my husband to celebrate the holdiays together, I just hate them and wish I could just sleep through them, being with family or friends is of no help, it makes it worse to see them so happy. Any suggestions?

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Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 1, 2016 at 7:42am

Thanks Anne for input, it helped me a lot.

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on November 3, 2016 at 2:45pm

I am jealous--my doctor took me off ambien--she did not want me to get hooked so now I do not sleep very much and my friend she has been on it for years.

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on November 2, 2016 at 1:42pm

Hi Linda!

This will be the first year for me and the kids without my husband for the holidays. It's only made worse since it would have been our wedding anniversary as well as the first anniversary of his passing in December and I dont know how all this is going to affect me.

It's all too much. Halloween, I didnt spend at  home. I went to a friends house. Thanksgiving, I am already committed for the tradition that we used to do for 3 years now.  It sucks, but I am putting on this game face for the girls.

December is going to be a nightmare.  And I dont know how to get through it.  I am thinking about taking the kids and getting out of town, something new and different.  But I am not sure if I can afford it as of yet.

I wish I had suggestions for you on how to get through this.  I just dont know.

Hugs

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on November 3, 2016 at 12:22pm

I am 49 and never had a Christmas with out someone I loved--even my parents are still alive and married--I am so scared I am not going to make it through all this cheer.  I want to go in a hole and not hear music or see decorations.

Permalink Reply by joanne on November 3, 2016 at 2:35pm

I don't have any suggestions, but I will say that Christmas means nothing to me anymore, I have children so I have to go through the motions,  but Christmas is over for ever for me now, this will be my 2nd Christmas, it was always a wonderful time in my house , our favourite day was Christmas eve, when the children went to bed we would be frantically wrapping the last off the presents, drinking a bottle of wine and just generally having the best time, but now its gone, I don't think people in our situation can find any joy in the hoildays, but too those who can, all the best xxx

Permalink Reply by morgan on November 3, 2016 at 8:17pm

No more will I ever celebrate.  Not holidays, not birthdays, not graduations......no more celebratory events for me.  I actually think I am going to go for Thanksgiving (a holiday when my husband used to cook us a great meal) and spend it on the front lines of the Dakota Access pipeline with the Native American water protectors.  At least I might feel something more than my own pain.  As for Xmas,  my husband entered the ER on Xmas Eve day and we were told he had stage 4 cancer the day after Xmas after a grueling surgery.  He lived long enough through my birthday in January and died on January 21st.  There is nothing about the Xmas season that takes me want to do more than hide in my shell.

I have yet to have this upcoming season (for the last four years) be anything more than arranging for the avoidance of anything to do with family or friends.  Yes they think by now i should be well past the isolation point.  

I have no need or care to be with anyone and to try and pretend that some preordained holiday campaign is something I have to share in I no longer try to explain why i don't want to.  I celebrated for many years with the man who made it worthwhile.  I have no need to anymore.  I will make sure I have enough food ahead of time and I will simply mark more days while I will myself to exit this earth asap.  That will be enough.  Everyone else can have their time, I had mine.  

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 4, 2016 at 6:51am

Morgan,

My feelings are just like yours, thanks for sharing.

Permalink Reply by Michael on November 4, 2016 at 12:45pm
I am having Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant with a friend. We always had it with my wife and her family. But i have abandoned our home in Atlanta and am staying in a condo in Massachusetts. Her family is in Florida. No family here. Its a mess. Not sure about Christmas. Her family wants to do it at the Georgia house that i have not set foot in since the memorial. Not sure I can handle it.
Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 4, 2016 at 2:21pm

Hi Michael,

Having holidays with the family, just hurts too much. Rather spend it alone.

Permalink Reply by Kevin Bailey on November 6, 2016 at 8:16pm
My beautiful wife just passed on October 5 2016. My birthday is Oct 26, so I had to deal with even more pain on that day, then I have thanksgiving and Christmas coming up and to top it off our anniversary is in January. I have absolutely no desire to be around anybody. I really just wanna be by myself and cry and scream to the heavens. I'm definitely gonna need plenty of alcohol to get through this hell.
Permalink Reply by bluebird on November 8, 2016 at 9:46pm

I don't celebrate anything anymore. I have no reason to celebrate.

I spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at my sister's house, and our parents come over for Christmas. I don't celebrate, but I do love my family so I spend those two days with them. They also love me, so while they do their best to make me feel loved and happy, they know better than to try to "cheer me up", as they know that will never happen.  In some ways I would prefer to just sleep through every holiday, as AnneJ said she does, but I know my family (by which I mean my Mom, my Dad, my sister, and her husband) want me to spend those two days with them, and because they don't push me, I find it relatively bearable.

New Year's Eve is our anniversary of when we officially became a couple. I will always spend that night alone. Some years I stay up and pray to my husband, asking him to come to me. Other years I take a Lunesta and just knock myself out, sleep through it. Nothing ever really helps.

Permalink Reply by Linda Engberg on November 9, 2016 at 7:19am

Hi Bluebird,

My family always want me to come to Michigan for Christmas, I live in Florida, but I want to be near where I lived when my Husband was alive, plus they have a beautiful Tree of Live event I would never miss. Even when I am with my family I still feel so alone.

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