Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on September 7, 2016 at 9:30am

Bless your heart--it does get better.  My Aunt even says there comes a time when there is no pain and just the beautiful memories that you have. I am at 8 months and my husbands was accidental.  Our daughter is 27 and he was able to walk her down the isle in August 2015.  Take Care, you are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Robin Quinn on September 29, 2016 at 7:14am

Lost my husband 8 months ago, no life doesn't make sense for me anymore, it's still hard getting by each day.  You just learn to live without them, memories even hurt, maybe some day they will comfort me, but I don't see that happening any time soon.  Sorry for your loss, I know your pain and there's nothing I can say to make it better.

Permalink Reply by Laurieann McCarthy on October 8, 2016 at 5:51pm

Same here Denise....lost mine of 42 years married 44 years together.  planning to retire in a few years and maybe go on one trip he wanted to go on.  I had to decide also to take him off machines...and he lasted 2 1/2 days.  I KNOW this horrible feeling of emptiness and total aloneness will (I hope) subside and not be an every night thing.  Try to pretend he is just working in the basement or in the computer room or out in garden....but it is just me .... and Scream away as I have...and still do....and sob and sob....and then get up after I somehow fall asleep, get up before 6 am, go do laps at HS pool 2-3 X per week before I come home and get ready for work b/c work is the only place that I feel 'normal'....or my 'new normal'. I must believe that this feeling will not be so constant and overwhelming that I feel like I will drown every night....and I even skipped a night of feeling like that....and then I felt guilty b/c I wasn't a mess all night......so it has been 69 days and maybe that skipping one night will happen more often and I will not feel guilty....and empty and alone .... in a chasm where I can't get out and no one can get in.

Permalink Reply by ShingingLight1967 on October 9, 2016 at 3:56pm

10 months almost and I still scream.  Laurieann I actually count the nights that I dont end up a mess. I think my longest count has been 3 nights.

I dont know if I will ever feel "normal" again, because there are days that it just smacks me in the face that he is never coming home. The finality of that just~ hurts.

I try to keep busy, I try and get out of the house, but the reality is, at some point I have to return to the house where is no longer.

((hugs))

Permalink Reply by Ruthie on October 11, 2016 at 12:12pm

I am just over 9 months and I wonder if I will ever have the 7th of any month not remind me of my husbands death on 1-7-2016.  I miss him more--I guess because it has been so long--and I still have the omg feeling this really happened.

Permalink Reply by 2zrvrr54q0c9w on October 11, 2016 at 1:20pm

Hi Denise.  Yes, but it can be a roller coaster ride.  I lost my Lady just over 6 months ago.  I still go out to someplace secluded, and scream.  Play music I KNOW will only bring on the flood of tears.

I guess what I have learned is that even though they are gone, in many ways, they will never be. 

Also, it depends a lot on where you want to go with your life now, what you want or see your doing.

One thing I have learned absolutely NOT to do is try to live up to other peoples expectations.  Like "Oh, your have to mourn for so long", or You should go to church or temple or whatever more.  NO!!!

Take My advice.  You have questions, come here.  You need to vent, come here.  Something good happens in you life, shout it from the rooftops, then come here and tell us.  Grief is not just about being down, but having successes and new joys and new things.  Its when that happens that the sadness, the guilt, and etc. start to diminish.  And there will be good days, and not so good days. But whatever you do, do it FOR YOU.!.!. 

Permalink Reply by Oleta Cato on October 11, 2016 at 2:14pm

John,  I listen to our music and yes, I do scream.  I scream his name over and over.  I am getting better,  tho it doesn't sound like it.

We loved to sit on the deck and play Sinatra....having a glass of wine.  You tube says it all.  Frank Sinatra singing "How Deep is the Ocean". Sometimes I need to cry......I  always cry.  He was worth every tear I will ever shed.  I was blessed to have his precious love.

oleta

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