I just lost my husband three weeks ago. I am still in shock and just can't believe he is gone. He did have kidney disease and was on diaysis, but he was doing fine. He just woke up one night and was having trouble breathing. I called 911 and they gave him cpr and then in the ambulance had to put a tube down his throat. But the doctors all said he was without oxygen for two long and was brain dead. Three days later, I and my nephews and 87 uncle had to watch as they removed the ventilator. An hour later, the love of my love was gone. It was absolutely horrible to watch him go from a good coloring in his face to totally ashen and stop breathing. Everytime I close my eyes all I see is that picture. I just feel so lost and alone. I have no friends. My husband felt everytime we made friends, there was too much drama and he didn't want that. He just wanted it to be him and me, Carol & Rob. That's just how everyone thought of us. And now, it's just me, Carol, all alone and feeling lost, lonely, and very very scared. I just can't stop crying. I do have to little yorkies who I love to death and thank God I have them. I feel like just half a person now because half of me is gone forever.

Views: 1523

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hi Renee, I'm so sorry you had a bad day. But I told you when you said you couldn't cry, sooner or later it would come out. It doesn't matter that you didn't cry all this time, I think it's a delayed reaction. I wouldn't worry about it, when it comes it comes and go with it. But I'm glad your day ended up a good one. Woo Hoo for your turkey. Have fun at your pampered chef party. if you're in the mood to talk you can always call me after the party, i'm up. Well have fun and if I don't talk to you have a great time tonight. Loads of hugs.
Hi Ladies,
The test came out just fine. Thanks for the good thoughts. I am at Mom's till tonight, we are having a small party at my sisters for Mom. I cried a lot yesterday, missing Les and his love and support. Mom was fantastic, and we got through it okay.
Not feeling too bad this morning, have a stupid cold sore--I hate those things.
It's hard not to cry. I was here with Les at my Mom's on September 5th, one week before he died. I still see him in my mind. I miss him so much. Someone said the other day that it may not get easier or better, we will always miss them, we just get used to this new form of life without them by our sides. I think that is true, each day is one new day without Les, and I am not used to being without him yet.
I hope you ladies are doing well. Glad you won a turkey Renee! I'll be on tomorrow night
Hi Cindy, I'm so glad your test came out ok. Good for you. It's so nice that you are able to spend some time with your mom. Cherish the time. Whoever told you that Cindy is right, we're living in a new world now, one without our loved ones and it will take a long time to really get used to it. I hate to say this, but people told me when Rob passed that the second year is the worst because you are no longer numb and you are more aware of the loss. I guess that is what I'm going through now. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting through this ok and other times not so good. That's why I say take one day at time, when you complete a good day, be thankful and know there will be more. Well enjoy the time with your mom. Have a great day.
hi girls, i had another bad day. i cried on the way to minnesota, then i cried at supper at a denny's resturant. the tears came and came. my sister said i need to quit being so negative. i'm trying, but that's all i see right now. i thought she might feel that way, but wasn't totally sure, but now i am. had my tests at the mayo clinic. tomorrow i see the dr. have a headacke from the eeg, so going to go to bed. i hope u both have a good evening, i love u both
Hi Renee, I'm so sorry you had such a bad day. I had a bad day and having a bad night, but that's all part of the process. I still keep asking myself how can I live my life without Rob here by my side. You need to tell your sister to go read Good Grief and/or I'm Grieving As Fast As I Can, or ANY grief book. You are not being negative, you are GRIEVING and CRYING is all part of the process and their is no time limit to grief. Cyring is part of the healing. Good luck with the doctor tomorrow. I hope your headache gets better. You take care and have a good night. Lots of hugs your way.
Yes, lots of hugs Renee. I had an okay day, which on my current scale is like a good day for most people. I worked, and that gets my mind off myself for a while. I feel selfish sometimes, for not getting better quicker, but everyone I have supporting me tells me not to be in a rush. I cried today watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer LOL! It was a sad moment and it made me cry.
We miss our men so much. It's sad to try to get used to life without them. I still have brief seconds where I am distraced and accidently think of calling Les from work. Then it hits me, and I cry.
I love you two, I would not be this mental healthy without you two to talk with.
Hi Cindy, I'm so glad you had a pretty good day. It's great that you have a job to keep you occupied. All I have is Curves, but I'm so greatful for that. Never feel selfish, it will take as long as you need to heal yourself, everyone takes a different time, shorter or longer to accept a loved ones death. Yes, we miss our men and yes, when we think about life ahead without them, it's painful. I get those moments when I drive home from working out or from the store and then get halfway home and start crying because I realize Rob will not be there waiting with my two yorkies smiling for me when i get home, that is super painful, but it does get easier. Everyone needs support and I'm glad we can be here for each other. Have a good night. Loads of hugs for you.
hi girls!~!!! i am actually doing better today. course i have other things on my mind. but in the end i thought about dennis. it's crazy that it ends up that way. i'm glad we have each other too for support. sometimes i think u girls are all i have. i know that's not true, but just the same, that's how i feel. on a lighter note, i see the dr today and when they done the eeg on my head, they seen no, i repeat no seizure activity. isn't that wonderful. i'm so happy. i have been on a lot of different meds for my seizures, but one has always stayed the same. i have been on pheonbarbitol for 30 yrs, and in 6 mos i will be completly off of it. i'm so excited to have heard that from the dr. dennis would be so happy. and so would of my folks. well enough about me. thanks girls for everything!!!
Hi Renee, I'm so glad you had a good day. Im so glad you had such good results with the doctor and that you will be off that medicine in 6 mos. See, now you have something good to look forward too. I had an alright day I guess. Did not want to get out of bed today, but got up and went to work out. Then went with my neighbor to get our dogs' nails trimmed. I just spent the rest of the day napping and doing nothing. Had a bit of a crying jag in the shower tonight as usual, but I'm pretty much ok now, just sad. Watching tv and holding my little doggies. That's about it. Any plans for the weekend? I don't, still trying to get some stuff around the apt. just have no real motivation. Oh well, I hope you guys have a good night and please remember, I'm here anytime for chat. Stay well and keep your chins up. :)
Hi Ladies. I have a cold, and am just puttering around or napping today.
carol, if the stuff gets done, it will get done, if it don't, there's always tomorrow. i don't have any get up and go either. but i have to do laundry. i work overtime tomorrow morning. cindy, i so know how u feel. i'm still trying to get better. i hope u girls have a wonderful and unperductive (lol) day. i love u both. i hope u both feel better soon.
Hi Ladies, my babies got me up so early this morning I took a half a sleeping pill, just work up 12p. But, I'm going to feed them at 1p and go right back into bed, not to sleep I don't think, just watch tv and laze the day away. If anyone feels like talking later, I'll be here. Tomorrow I'm going with two friends to see the play AIDA and then a bite to eat afterwards. That I'm actually looking forward too. I hope both of you feel better. Take care and stay wall.

RSS

Latest Activity

david karpe posted a status
"I'm wondering if Myrna is well. Happy new year to Myrna and everybody."
Jan 15
david karpe is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 15
Sasha Moshko posted a discussion

My Fathers Loss

Many years ago, I lost my father after his battle with colon cancer that later spread to his bones. The grief stayed with me longer than I expected. Ambrosia Behavioral Health helped me work through that loss, understand my emotions, and find healthier ways to cope and move forward. https://www.ambrosiatc.comSee More
Jan 14
Sasha Moshko left a comment for Sasha Moshko
"Professional help gives you a safe space to talk, understand your emotions, and learn healthy ways to cope. It can make grief feel less overwhelming and easier to manage over time. https://www.ambrosiatc.com"
Jan 14
MELANIE WALENDOWSKY BAKER is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jan 14
Krystal Swinehart joined Jodi Denton's group
Thumbnail

Traumatic loss of an only child

I started this group so that people who have lost their only child or the only child that remained, as in my case, could come together because I believe people that did have a child or children who now have none have special issues.
Jan 12
Krystal Swinehart joined Dayna's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

If you have lost a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide please share your story or feelings here. Share the love and beauty of the one you lost. Losing someone any of these ways is not natural and can be hard to understand and ask why? I lost my Mother to an overdose 9 years ago. She also suffered from major depression. Her doctor got her hooked on pain medication and she was addicted most of my life. These doctors who were suppose to help her ended up killing her in the end. I also…See More
Jan 12
Karen R. replied to Entony's discussion Movies about grief that actually understand loss — any recommendations?
"So sorry!💔💔💔💔💔"
Jan 2

© 2026   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service