How do I carry on with my life...?

My mum died suddenly and unexpectedly at the age of 51 just 5 weeks ago. It was a huge shock to me and my family. It was two weeks before my wedding to the man I have been with for 8 years. My mother had helped me plan the wedding and was more excited than we were, me and my mum were best friends and spent every minute together. I carried on with the wedding and even had a nice time but the honeymoon was a struggle and now that we are back I am beside myself with grief. I fear that I am already pushing him away, he is extremely supportive and caring but I fear that I resent him. My dad rang him first when it happened and he came to the school where I worked to tell me, I play the words over in my head all day long. He has not always had the closest relationship with his mum and although it is the most selfish awful thing to say and find myself resenting the fact that she is still here and was at my wedding and my mum who was in our lives everyday was not. I hate the person I am becoming to have those feelings.
My biggest fear is the future. I cannot imagine a future without my mum and when we talk about it now I don't imagine living long enough without her to have a future. All of our plans for the future involved her heavily and now I feel I don't want anything. I don't know how to survive without her and although I try I fear that I will lose my new husband too as I can't seem to help but push him away.
Does anyone have any advice on what to do?
Thank you Leanne

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Gabrielle on August 16, 2015 at 4:25pm
Dear Leanne
I'm desperately sorry for the pain you feel about losing your dear mum. It has only been 5 weeks and you're still very much in the raw, shocked stage. I would try not to think about future plans especially as right now they will fill you with anxiety. You need to be concentrating on getting through each day and nothing more. Don't make any big changes.
The resentment you feel towards your husband is quite common I think. My sister died unexpectedly 6 months ago and I felt resentment towards my brother that it hadn't been him, because I would've coped better as I was much closer to my sister. What a thing to think about my poor brother who I love! I also feel resentment towards my best friend because she is always being overly positive and doesn't get it at all. I keep having to remind myself that people are doing their best, and there is no rhyme or reason as to why people die and when and who. So many unanswered questions all the time. Find things that give you any sort of comfort during the day and let your husband know about this rather than him talking about future plans with you. It's too soon and too painful for all of that. Be kind to yourself x
Permalink Reply by Leanne rivers on August 17, 2015 at 3:31am
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and making me feel like I'm not the only one. It's has truly helped. I am so sorry for the pain that you feel also and hope that you are doing ok. Thanks again x
Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 16, 2015 at 4:33pm

I AM A GAY GUY AND I LOST MY PARTNER IN A HOME INVASION AND  I WAS SHOT THREE TIMES AND HE CWAS SHOT DIRECTLY IN THE HEART AND HE DIED NEXT TO ME. MY AUNT FLORENCE DIED 5 MONTHS LATER AND THAT WAS TOUGH BUT I SURVIVED WITH THERAPY . YOU CAN DO IT .I WANTED TO DIE BUT I KNOW AUNT FLORENCE AND MY PARTNER WOULD WANT ME TO MOVE ON ,STANLEY

Permalink Reply by Leanne rivers on August 17, 2015 at 3:32am
I am so sorry to hear about your terrible ordeal. Thank you for taking the time to share some advice with me. I hope you are doing ok. Thanks Leanne
Permalink Reply by Leanne rivers on August 17, 2015 at 3:33am
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I am terribly sorry for the pain you feel and hope that you are doing ok. I think that's how I feel about therapy that it won't help because they can't bring her back. I have good family who are happy to talk about my mum so that's a start. Thank you again. Xxx
Permalink Reply by A. Buyten on August 16, 2015 at 7:25pm

Hi,

Although I am struggling also. I would suggest to know that your mum will always be with you when you call upon her, in your heart and soul. About your husband, I would sat that communication is key. Both ways and that is what marriage is about, being able to accept what one another is feeling and helping and loving your partner through tough times when they arise.

Best of

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 16, 2015 at 7:36pm

 YOU MUST KEEP PRAYING AND TALK TO THE LORD.I LOST MY GAY PARTNER OCTOBER2 2012 And I have my good days and bad days but when I have the bad days I communicate with jesus .Love and Peace Stanley

Permalink Reply by Leanne rivers on August 17, 2015 at 3:34am
Thank you for taking the time to support me. I am sorry to hear that you are struggling also. I hope that it gets easier for all of us. Thanks again.
Permalink Reply by dream moon JO B on August 17, 2015 at 3:41pm

it sea,ms 2 get hardr not easy iv hd loss sinse dad died in 2012 

iv dun a lot of sillly thngs coz of loss  

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 17, 2015 at 4:08pm

YOU DID WHAT YOU HAD TO DO AND ASK JESUS TO FORGIVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE FORGIVEN FOR ALL THE SILLY THINGS, I LOVE YOU NOW EVEN THOUGH WE NEVER MeT  I AM YOUR FRIEND Stan

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 17, 2015 at 5:12pm

JOE IT IS NOT EASY .I LOST BRALPH AND AUNT FLORENCE AND ANOTHER AUNT ALEXANDRIA AND MY MOM AND DAD AN GRANDMA AND  I AM STILLL HERE .I STILL CRY BUT I  GET THROUGH THE DAY WITH THE HELP OF JESUS ,YOU MUST DO THE SAME STAN

Permalink Reply by Stanley Ruiz on August 17, 2015 at 5:19pm

This is Stanley again I know it is hard and not easy but we are in the same position and we we  need Jesus To help us Stan

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