Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MarieSte on January 4, 2015 at 9:12pm

PK each our grief stories are different but I can relate to the pain you feel. I write to express my grief. I attach an article below. I hope it helps . There is another writer who's son committed suicide. She has written a lot of articles about her loss. I will add another link with her details. Bless you.

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/article/grief-journey-what-pack

http://thegrieftoolbox.com/users/dream1dancer

Permalink Reply by Brenda Ann on January 5, 2015 at 7:23am

     Last night our daughter told us how depressed she is and totally useless. Her health is bad and she has autoimmune issues that keep her in pain almost all the time. I worry about her and only want to take her pain away...  She had a Gall Bladder attach a couple of weeks ago and now has Kidney stones in both Kidneys - she says that her body hates her. We talked about promises that God has described in the Bible and I think she found a measure of comfort. But I am constantly worried...

     I wish I could give you a real physical hug but since I cannot do that please private message me and we can talk. I will be happy to send you my phone number...

Always,

Brenda

Permalink Reply by Connie K on January 5, 2015 at 11:19am

Dear PK

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my only child as well. He was 17 and he died tragically in a car accident as a  passenger. It was 2 years ago. You're right you will never feel a pain like this. My son also went through  depression  and suffered with Crohn's disease so I know the fear of trying to help someone who feels so hopeless. I know you are in shock and despair right now and it is my hope that you can find some support here and at least know that you are not alone in this grief. Sending you love and prayers.

Permalink Reply by bdabbs on January 5, 2015 at 8:32pm

I just lost my 14 yr old daughter 6 weeks ago. she was at her friends house down the street whose father happens to be a county sherriff. i had no idea that this man left loaded firearms in the home, and that he evidently had taught his daughter to use it. the cops came and woke me up and said my daughter committed suicide but i know that girl had something to do with it. i know she gave my daughter that gun & showed her what to do, she was jealous of my daughter because she had joined the marching band and was getting out doing things instead of sitting around the house all day. she was jealous that my daughter had 2 boys that liked her for the first time ever in her life. im devastated she was all i have. now i am alone and afraid. all this is getting covered up because he was a sherriff. he sat on his butt on "paid administrative leave" im sure all through the holidays while i howled and wailed on the floor of my house up the street. i even seen him out hanging lights with his 2 younger girls. so he has 3 girls and i have zero. they wont even give me her stuff back from the cops they say her phone is locked-my daughter NEVER locked her phone even at school,i have several witnesses to that, i think the girl or the dad locked it that morning. so on top of grieving i am tormented as to what went on in that house that morning. she was fine the night before. we had to have the family evicted from the funeral home, the girl acted so inappropriately, traipsing around like she was at a party. didnt shed one tear or come up to me. kids from the band that knew my daughter less than 4 months were coming up crying & paying their respects. this family has destroyed my life with their negligence and i dont know if i have the will to live. i miss her so much i cant stand it. how do i live like this?

Permalink Reply by PK on January 5, 2015 at 10:41pm

I am stunned and shocked and my heart goes out to you. The circumstances are outrageous.

The coroner can direct the police/sherriff to return the phone when the investigation is finished. In Australia this takes twelve weeks. 

ANd it's not about living like this. My psychologist said it is like running a marathon every day for the rest of your life, when you are unfit and overweight and have never had any training.. The first days are impossible, you can barely breathe, you  are falling over at the end of the day, if not in the middle. You are riddled with pain so great you don't know how or what to feel.

The first weeks are unbearable, you are fatigued and heartsore and you still can't bear the pain of  the marathon, because you still are not prepared to deal with the relentless un-endingness of it all.

She said eventually you learn to keep doing the marathon every day, because after months and years you are able to because your body will carry on until your mind catches up. Eventually you will pick up the skills and the tools to function in the very different world we now live in. You still will feel pain like the marathon athlete.

It gave me some sort of insight into what you and I are living at the moment.

All care to you. Try to eat well, try to breathe, try to sleep x

Permalink Reply by PK on January 18, 2015 at 3:37pm

Sheri Hi and I am super sorry you are now here to talk to as a result of this life  changing awful event. My heart goes out to you. .I have sent a friend request and would like to correspond with you.xo Peta

Permalink Reply by Sandy Hendrix on January 6, 2015 at 12:01pm

PK, I am so very very sorry for your loss.  I don't understand why these kids feel so hopeless that they have nothing to live for.  I lost my 18 year old 10 weeks ago to an overdose and he "hated his life".  It hurts so much.  I also feel so sick and useless that I couldn't help my son overcome his sadness.  I look at the pics of him from his childhood and he was so very happy.  It's impossible to understand and yes our pain is the worst thing ever. We miss our babies so much and why couldn't we help them.  It's just all consuming... I can't concentrate on anything at all.  Hugs to you and we are all here to support each other.  x0

Permalink Reply by Sandy Hendrix on January 6, 2015 at 2:16pm

I feel exactly as you say, I cry for my son's pain that I could not help him. Why did they feel such despair, it makes us just sick that our babies were hurting so much.  He also was being harassed on social media the day he overdosed, even my 21 year old doesn't understand how they feel such despair and cannot cope.  We will never know the answers to that and that just makes it all harder to accept.  They "why" and the guilt we feel as mothers is beyond despair. 

Permalink Reply by PK on January 18, 2015 at 3:46pm

Because when our youth are in emotional pain beyond belief their negative thought processes don't allow them to FEEL the love you are giving. I have major flashes of guilt I pass through because i could not prevent my daughter's death. But I pass through them. We found a note written six weeks prior which has given insight into her dreadfully worthless and catastrophic state of mind. 

And it is an open wound, and it won't heal, but with some kindness, compassion and love and support (and weeks/years of grief therapy) we will learn to live with it. Mark, who lost his wife of 40 years 2 years ago said to me that ever since, he feels like he is  carrying a backpack which some days is heavy and some days light. Some days he says he can't carry it and he has to stay still all day and talk to her. 

Some days are awful, some days are ok, most are empty and it is hard to find the sun. Good luck on this journey. I hope your support crew are good. Hope you are eating enough and looking ater yourself as best you can. xo

Permalink Reply by Anna Louise Willis on January 31, 2015 at 4:30pm

I am so sorry for you. I lost my brother to suicide in September 2014. I know the ache, the guilt and confusion. I hope you're surrounded by good people and food. I know it helps. I have become a ghost, as far as anyone is concerned. But I want you o know I understand your pain. All my love xxx

Permalink Reply by Hollowed on April 12, 2016 at 4:46pm

I am sorry for your lost PK.  My young wife took her life as well and I wished I could see through her to help her.  I wished I would have been a better person, man, and husband to her.  As a result of that, I will now live for the rest of my life with this guilt.  Never in my life that I thought death is better.  I will forever missed and loved my wife no matter how much pain I have to go through.