Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sandie Eader on November 28, 2013 at 6:35am

I am so sorry for your loss! We were married 36 years and my husband died the same way, in our kitchen after complaining I drank all the coffee. He made more coffee but I am not sure he got to have any of it. I think of things to tell him when I get home from work but then I remember he is not there. It has been a long process over the past 2 years and for you this is all very fresh. All the "firsts" are awful but we manage to get through them. Our 4 children are all grown but we must stay strong for our children because they are also missing their father and how much worse it would be to not have mom? Do you have anyone to talk to? I went to a grief group for a while (sponsored by our hospital) and there are grief groups out there, many at churches, that are extremely helpful. It really bites that our husbands had no "famous last words" but it was all too sudden. I have a recording from our old phone answering machine where my husband says "I love you" that I treasure. I know your pain is intense, as mine was and still is. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. Everyone here is very kind and thoughtful and will reach out to you. You made the first step by getting on this site and reaching out to others!

Permalink Reply by Danny on November 28, 2013 at 6:40am

Edna, sudden is very hard.  We just have to go through the trauma or post traumatic stress disorder.  Live week to week and see what happens.  You have my support.

Permalink Reply by Dolly on November 28, 2013 at 7:01am

So sorry Edna.. losing someone you love like that is just a total devastation to one's very being...we lost our 22 year old son suddenly and unexpectedly on May 2 2013 of a cardiac event...whatever THAT means... we've been in a state of shock and disbelief and terror and deep grief ever since... Its as if the world threw us out and we landed somewhere totally alien to everything we ever knew... my heart goes out to you... hang on is all we can do... we have no choice... but people here on this site have helped me hang on.. out there in the world, they just go on... like nothing happened.... amazing isn't it?

Permalink Reply by Danny on November 28, 2013 at 8:48am

Yes people forget that sudden is traumatic and it may be safe to assume that the first year even goes by in shock and disbelief. 

Permalink Reply by Lynn Williams on November 28, 2013 at 9:17am

Dear Edna 

So sorry for the sudden loss of your husband at such a young age.  This is my first holiday without my 26 year old daughter Kyra, who died this past August 17th, in a car accident.  This will be the first Thanksgiving in a very long time without cooking a turkey.  My other daughter lives far away as well as my two step-sons and their families.  I hope you will be able to spend today with family and friends for support. When it first happens we all have those feelings of wanting to die with our loved one a lot. I still get those thoughts once and awhile but I can't go, because of the rest of my family.  The people on this site will support you and are good listeners.  Do what ever you can each day to sooth yourself.  You will make it through this even though you think not.  We are here for you Lynn   

Permalink Reply by Mark on November 28, 2013 at 10:49pm

Hello to Edna and all that find themselves on here reading this.

I am so sorry Edna for your loss. I don't know what to say, other than I unfortunately have been through the sudden loss scenario.

I have realized that alot of people do not understand the pain we feel months, or in my case, over a year after losing someone close.  I lost my mother. Yes she was "older" but I also know people who still have their mothers and the age is the same or older.

It seems when we lose someone suddenly, the pain is so much more because no matter how well we try to anticipate things (at least I try to), to lose my mother a year and a half ago while I was in another room at her house - she collapsed of what they say was a sudden  cardiac arrest -the pain of reliving that at times, when I think back on that day, and not being able to save her is very painful.

I miss her, I wish I could have her here and be able to sit down with her and just talk and hear more stories from her past.

The reality of knowing someone I spent alot of time with is gone is very real, but the pain is still there to some degree. I went through some grief counselling, I just wish there were more people who sort of understood more. My world was very suddenly shrunk as I was very close to both my parents and mom's death came less than 2 months after my dad's - whom had been suffering a terminal illness.  The world feels very alone, as the way things went, I had spent a lot of time with them even before Dad's illness.

 

Thanks for reading, and I'm sorry for anyone that goes through sudden loss of someone who they care about. I will always love my mom, but I miss her and I feel strange saying that that way over 1 year after she passed. I miss dad too, and tried to enjoy the times we had together, but everything just happened (their passing) too quickly.  God Bless all of us whom have suffered this.   Happy Thanksgiving to those in the USA.

 

 

Permalink Reply by Danny on November 29, 2013 at 2:49am

Great post Mark.