Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Jan Duvenage on June 2, 2010 at 3:24am

Hi Suzanne, i fully understand and know what you are saying as i am living the same day by day. I lost the love of my life on the 19th of April this year to pancreatic cancer. Margi was and is still my life i cannot accept the fact that i have to be content with a memory of a major part of my soul. As a 48 year old male that was brought up in a strict household where little if any emotions was shown and that men don't cry regimen was enforced on you this especially difficult for me. I am not ashamed to say that i cry unabashedly at times during the day especially when i am alone in our bedroom where our lives was spent most of the times when i wasn't at work.
This is very difficult as you say to put into words and the only solace i have is knowing i can post here and even if i am judged i do not care as this is my own personal journey that i have to take and strangely it is not peace that i seek but just to have one more minute with Margi to tell her just how much i love her and to be able to tell her everything will be allright and that we will allways be together. But i know this will never happen and i regret it. Please be all who you want to be and let no one tell you how to work through this, only we by ourselves can ultimately work through this and in our own ways come to make some kind of peace with this terrible loss of someone that is and was so loved by us.
Good luck and feel free to put your thought on this into feedback here.

Jan

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on June 2, 2010 at 1:59pm

Dear Jan,
Since the day my beloved husband Dan died on January 22, 2010, the words I will hold dear to my heart of all who have said anything to me, from each and every one of my family, loving though they are, and Dan's family, and there are many, my friends, even in the grief support meetings I attend, of all the grief sites from all of the replies I received, which probably are in the hundreds that I have visited what you said is to "Please be all who you want to be and let no one tell you how to work through this" will be my motto and my mantra. What was in this message that you sent to me is the one that I will most remember. You have helped me beyond more than mere words can say, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I really mean that. That "only we, by ourselves can ultimately work through this and in our own ways come to make some kind of peace with this terrible loss of someone that is and was so loved by us" My only intention in letting you know this is that with your words I have reached a pinnacle in the process of my grief and I am truly grateful. God bless you, Jan. Take care.
Sincerely,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Jan Duvenage on June 3, 2010 at 10:01am

Hi again Susan,

If I have helped in anyway to bring some insight into this most painfull of situations for us all then my heart is gladdened, as this is what my dearest Margi would have wanted me to do. By speaking to you and guiding you along, this has helped me along as i can put my thoughts to paper and let the emotions speak for itself. If i can in anyway help my fellowman through such a traumatic experience then i am glad to have been part of it. May God keep our loved ones (Dan, Margi and the countless others) safe in his arms and light up our lives with understanding and caring.
You take care now Suzanne,

Kind regards

Jan