Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Mary Catenacci on September 30, 2012 at 7:00pm

Stacy, I am deeply touched by your sharing here.I lost my husband of many years in 2009. I relate to some  of the things you have shared so very much/ although there are a lot of differences. Yet a lot of similarities! I had a lot of trauma in my life growing up. And in my adult life. There was pretty much no nuturing in my childhood, and there was not any thing like a bonded family. I am so sorry that you lost your love. When I lost my husband, we had been married a long time. We had been very much in love for most of our marriage, but the last few years depression had taken a real hold on my emotions. My husband was a workaholic and his worth was geared so much in making a lot of money so we could have a good life when he retired. The first 2 years he was gone, I basically did not want to wake up. The first year, I have no memory of! It seemed so unfair. My husband was all I felt I had. Because of my depression- I had isolated myself from making friends. I was put into a situation where I helped my widowed daughter with her 3 children for 5 years, after their dad took his life. This was at a time that we had just relocated, and I did not reach out and make friends. I have been really mad at God. I raged at him, I told him, I had only this one man!! Many people had tons of friends-- not me. It is still not real easy for me. I am alone! And I hate it! I have my little pets. 3 cats and 2 little dogs. My family saw the deadness in my eyes.They knew I felt I had nothing to keep living for. They were afraid I would take my life. I wanted to.  My kids are middle age. And they have their own health issues, their own problems. I grew up in an age where that we all catered to our parents. What ever they said we did. I tell you all of this because I want you to know that my heart hears your tears. I understand in some small part some of your pain. Even though I was married a very long time-- even though we had our problems- I feel that big hole in my soul, my heart that feels like it can not ever be healed. I was taking  anti depressants. I had many deaths in my life in a short time. I had lost 6 close family members in another state in 10 mos./ prior to my husband's death.  My mother was first. I hope that you will give serious thought to anti depressants. They did help me for several years. As I have gotten older my body is not taking kindly to most of the ones I was able to take before. I basically take care of my little pets, my home as best I can. I have started to try to help others with the hope that through helping others maybe there will be faster healing for myself. Your letter touched me, and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Sending love and kindness your way, Mary

Permalink Reply by Debra Waszut on October 23, 2012 at 9:05pm

I felt like this after my husband passed away 5 months ago.  I sought out a grief counseling group called Griefshare (which should be available near you, look it up online).  I got myself to a church and asked God for help.  If you have faith, you can get through this. I also go to a spin class a few times a week which helps me physically cause this pain in physical. Seek help. I cannot emphasize this enough.

Permalink Reply by Lee on November 10, 2012 at 7:34pm

Oh Stacy I am so sorry for your loss. You are so young sweetie that its heartbreaking that you have had such a major loss.

 

The first 2 weeks after my Michael passes I wanted to kill myself. Knew while I was thinking it that I was wrong. Knew that my kids wouldn't get over something like that. Knew that God's heart would break if I took the life he gave me. But the bad thoughts kept coming and I was afraid. One morning I am driving along and screaming at the world. Screaming for Michael. Crying and sobbing feeling at the end of my rope. All of a sudden I stopped and out loud I said, "With God all things are possible." I couldn't understand where or how that came out of my mouth because it wasn't something I was thinking - it just came out.

It scared me so bad that I decided right away that I had to go to church. It happened to be a Sunday and church had not been a part of my life for over 15 years. But I went. Sitting in the last row and trying hard not to cry, mass began. After the first blessing the priest - Father Michael no less - said, "With God all things are possible." I almost slid off the pew!

 

Yes there are days when I feel as if I can't go on but I  know that God hears me and feels my pain.

 

Permalink Reply by Coralee Cole on December 14, 2012 at 1:22pm

Watch the movie "What Dreams May Come"

I met my soul mate 5 months ago, we were living a dream life, every moment we spent together was pure magic. 12 days ago he died suddenly, and I have going through the darkest hell I have ever been through, even worse that when I lost a child in 1997. The only thing that is getting me through this is that he is sending me signs, through music, numbers, random strangers that say things only he would say, and through automatic writing. At night I light a candle, burn his favourite insence, meditate on a good memory of him, and then I talk to him as if he is right beside me (which he is, because I feel his energy), and then I start to write. Messages from him come through, if you watch that movie you'll understand what I mean. Try it, it's very comforting knowing that they are still with you every moment. You may not be able to physically feel their arms around you, but once you get in touch with his energy you will feel his touch. I'm sending you love, light, and healing energy to help you through this difficult time.

Permalink Reply by Tye on October 20, 2013 at 3:28pm

I so needed to hear this and I understand as well.....dang i miss my baby....

Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 22, 2013 at 1:44am

Stacy, I am so sorry for the loss of your "beloved"  I know there are no words that can make it better.  I can relate to much of your story. I lost my fiance April 27th 2012. He was my everything as well.  I know it feels wrong for living when our loved one is not with us.  You are right that ending your life would not be the answer because, I also believe we may not be see our loved one again.  I am sure he would not want you to do that. He would want you to live on and live a happy life.  This is something I have to always tell myself.  I am like you and I am against anti-depressants.  I won't take any because loosing my fiance is suppose to be depressing and drugs would only mask my issue not resolve it.

I won't give any advice because I can't because I am grieving like you and everyone else. All I can do is say what works for me with the hopes it helps others. 

I have also found a great support group for people that have lost their "partners/spouses"  This has been very helpful.  I know groups are not for everyone but I was willing to try anything to get past this pain. 

Thank you for your post... it makes me not so lonley

Permalink Reply by Tahnee Attwood on January 29, 2013 at 11:14pm

Hello Stacy I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my thoughts go out to you, I lost my boyfriend in a motorcycle accident on the 31st of July 2012, a 4x4 car pulled out infront of him on as he was on the way to my house, i waited up all night for him and he never turned up i got a call from his best friend in the morning telling me that he had been killed in the night, he was only 20 and im 18. We have been best friends for as long as i've known in and out of our relationship, he was the only one who truely understood me, I was absolutely heartbroken and still am, all of my friends have avoided me since his death, im so lonely like yourself im againt anti depressants, nothing seems to get better

Permalink Reply by renee collier on January 29, 2013 at 11:29pm

Hello Tahnee, I am so sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. That is really young.  yeah anti depressants won't bring our loved ones back. And then if you go off the anti depressants and you have not learned how to cope you will be at square one.  Since my fiance died 9 months ago there is not a day that goes by that I don't miss him.  I know he would want my to live my life and so would your BF.  But it is so hard some days to get out of bed. 

Take care

Permalink Reply by Tahnee Attwood on January 31, 2013 at 11:27am

Hello Renee, I agree you won't learn how to control the emotions as well as you can on anti depressants, I know he'd want me to be happy but seems so hard to be like you said some days it is hard to get out of bed, I'm sorry to hear about your fiancé x

Permalink Reply by Cathy Richardson on February 8, 2013 at 9:55am

Stacy - A part of you died when he died. I know exactly how you feel, it's an empty feeling. You have to stay strong and believe that God has a plan for you. Talk to your soulmate, he's still with you in spirit. My lover, my best friend, my rock died of brain cancer on December 19, 2012. We were both married to others and I have cried every day since he died. His last words to me were "I love you too" and the 3 years we were together he never once told me that he loved me. I have to hold on to hope that I will be with him again.

Do not kill yourself, suicide is such a selfish act and there is a reason you are alive. Never give up, never surrender, that's what I always told my guy. My daughter is only 2 years younger than you. SO, if you ever need someone to talk to, please e-mail me at catrich1964@gmail.com. You are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Jacque Sue Harvey on August 19, 2013 at 8:52am

  I know you are against anti depressants, but depression has a life of it's own and can take us to dark, painful place and the feeling of hopelessness can be over whelming.  Please talk to your doctor and perhaps he can give you something to at least get you through the initial grieving time.  Think about it.

 

Permalink Reply by Naomi on April 28, 2015 at 7:09pm

Afternoon Stacy, I feel for you.  I travel that road every other day even though I lost my love of my life

my best friend and the father of my 3 wonderful children November 2013 the day before his birthday.  What would your love of your life want you to do.  There is no justice in taking your own life.  There are so many reasons to continue to live especially because you are only 24.  Get into a routine and make yourself stick to it.  Are you working?  If not find a part time job.  Got an animal to hug.  This helps a lot too.  When I am low, which I often am I remember having him in my life and being blessed that we

were together, just he for me and I for him.  You have a purpose in life and this will lead you down a path that will nurture and heal you.  Listen to your heart and be true.  There are so many more things to be greatful for than not.  Best of luck to you and I am sure you will be okay.

 

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