Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
My heart hurts... It hurts so bad... I can't stop it, no matter what I do, it just hurts... I can't even explain it in words, it's so painful...
I want to scream, I want to cry, I want someone to hold me, I want someone to listen... I want him back. I want to hear his raspy voice and his lisp. I want to see his tender, brown green eyes. I want to see his sweet, toothy smile and I want to hear him say my name, the special way he always did. I want to hug him and tell him how much I love him.
I was there when he died. I tried to close his eyes but his eyelids wouldn't close all the way. They were out of focus... Dead... I couldn't look at them that way. Not his. I tried to close them but they wouldn't. I got blood on my hoodie but I don't even remember seeing blood. I just remember his eyes. Everyone was screaming. I couldn't let go.
He's my twin. We were 12 then. I'm 17 now. And I still hold my breath so I dont feel it as bad, even if just for a moment. I still feel like I could weep into oblivion, I still feel like if I start crying I might never stop. I can't even say his name anymore and I feel horrible for that but I just can't. I don't know what to do, I'm so lost.
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